Lilypie Pregnancy tickers

Lilypie Pregnancy tickers

Monday, November 30, 2009


I had an RE appt today for b/w and u/s. I have no clue how my b/w was because I never got a call back on it but my u/s showed moderate hyperstimulation. Just like last time. No biggie... I feel no pain or anything so that's good. Lining looked great! I wish the nurse never even said this to me but... she said everything looked so good, my embyro's were awesome & she'd be really surprised if this didn't work. I'm trying to forget that she even said it but now my hopes are going back up. Now I just have to wait until beta Friday! Ugh!

Sunday, November 29, 2009

How am I feeling?

Some of you girls have been asking how I'm feeling... well I feel fine! I was feeling really good about it.. thinking it finally worked this time, then I wake up this morning and BAM I feel a huge sense of dread. I don't want Friday to get here w/my Beta. I'm scared. I just want this week to last forever so I can sit here and "pretend" that I'm pregnant. I even had a dream last night that my beta was positive but I'm so terrified now. I just know what the negatives have don't to me in the past... I'm just not ready for that again. Plus finding a new RE and basically starting all over. I NEED this to work. Not just want... I NEED it!

Saturday, November 28, 2009


Double Blessings Candles has some awesome sales on the website! Check em out at The wax dipped snowman shown here is super cute by the way! If you order something don't forget to put my name in the comment section so I get credit!

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Show & Tell

I've never did the show & tell thing before but... I'm so damn proud of my embry's that I wanted to show them off! My pic is 2 post's down. Enjoy & I hope you love them as much as I do! Beta Dec 5th!

Monday, November 23, 2009

Funny convo w/the hubs

Before I get into the conversation w/the hubs I must say that I am 100% totally in love w/my embies! I look at the picture all the time =) I really, really, really, really hope this is it & I'm not setting myself up for disappointment, again. I go back to work tomorrow- boo. I've been extremely light headed and almost passed out several times in the last few days... I think its just because I've been laying around so much that when I do get up and move around it gets me all dizzy. BETA is Dec 4th if I haven't already told you that! Now for our convo at dinner tonight...

Me: Oh crap I left that candle in the freezer! Did you know that you can put a candle in the freezer for about an hour, turn it upside down and slap the bottom of the holder & it will just pop right out?
DH: Ugh, ya I'm the one that told you that.
Me: Seriously? How in the hell did you know that?
DH: I saw it on Martha Stewart.
Me: Why were you watching Martha Stewart?
DH: Oh, ugh well I saw some half naked chick on there while I was flipping through the channels looking for the muscle car show so I thought I'd just watch it.
Me: Laughing my ass off.

My husband is such a dork! I'm not surprised that he watched Martha, I just think it's hilarious. I love him =)

Saturday, November 21, 2009

Meet my babies!

Not the best picture as this was taken on my cell but... here are my babies!! We had 1 10 cell grade 1 embie, 1 10 cell grade 2 embie, 1 8 cell grade 2 embie & 1 5 cell grade 2 embie! They seemed very please w/them and said "this is going to work!" I'm going to TRY and not get my hopes up but who am I kidding, they already are! Come on babies get snuggled in for 9 months!!

Friday, November 20, 2009

Go embies, Go embies!!

We still have our 4 musketeers going! We have 1 5cell, 2 4cell & 1 2cell. Looks like I'm going to be transferring all 4 tomorrow! The RE's office seems very pleased w/how they are looking and I am so relieved. Can't wait to meet them tomorrow =)

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Fert Report

Well out of 10 eggs retrieved 9 were mature. Out of those 9 only 4 fertilized. The 10th egg is now mature & they ICSI that one too so we could possibly have 5 fertilize. I'm really upset about this... I know it only takes 1 but I hate hearing that some didn't make it. I just hope the 4 that fertilized are of good quality and 1 sticks!

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Today I am...#9 & ER!

Today I am thankful for... my hubbie! Yes, I'm choosing him again because he is seriously the best & its really hard to come up w/things I'm thankful for as I've already said the big ones! For real though... I have the best husband in the world. I love him!

~Some friends of ours are splitting up (the O so fertile one) and has been reported that she said she hasn't loved him in years and if she had gotten pregnant she would have had an abortion. ~They were trying a month ago and was complaining to me that she wasn't KU w/in 3 weeks! That bitch is never allowed in my house again... I will seriously kick her ass. I mean that. That is the most fucked up thing I have ever heard. She needs some serious help. Her soon to be ex just called my hubbie wanting to come over & talk. I feel so bad for him & his daughter. Unfortunately that poor child will get the short end on this. At least she is young (1 1/2) and probably wont remember it.

~IVF Update~
The moment you've all been waiting for.... ER went well. Much more painful than last time. I don't remember being awake as much and OMG does that needle her like a mother. They retrieved 10 eggs & 9 were mature. They ICSI all 9 so I get my fert report tomorrow. I'll update yall then!

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Today I am...#8

Today I am thankful for my morels. I just got home from work and Jake was telling me that the people that live behind us now have 2 puppies that were left out in the rain today. Its 45 degrees and raining today. He put a note on their door telling them they need to have proper shelter for their dogs or find a new home of them. This is absolute bullshit and I don't see how anyone could do that do an animal. Freaking pisses me off!

~Insurance Update~
Called the company am waiting on a call back regarding the $200 bucks. I'm not freaking paying I tell you!!

~IVF Update~
ER tomorrow. Feel like I could barf. Getting really freaking nervous! AHHHHHHHH My ass hurts from the HCG last night too.

Monday, November 16, 2009

Today I am...#7

Today I am thankful for the ability to do IVF. I'm so lucky that I am able to do it. Even if it doesn't work, at least I'm able to try.

I'm extremily pissed off at my insurnace right now so I really don't have much else to say. They are now telling me I've only paid $1500 towards my deductable (not true I've paid $3000 which is the max out of pocket) and that I owe $200 for 8 freaking pills to help w/overstimulation. I'm so pissed right now I could spit nails. I've met my max out of pocket there is no way in hell I'm paying $200 for 8 damn pills!

~IVF Update~
I trigger tonight and ER is Wedneday ET on Saturday!! Woot! Lots of follies and they were nice big and juicy! =)

Sunday, November 15, 2009

Today I am...#6

Today I am thankful for candles. Hehe yep Candles. I choose this because this is what is on my mind right now. I just got finished w/my Double Blessings Candles Christmas Open House and did almost $900.00 in candle sales! Woohoo! I could sure use that extra dough for Christmas. I had a really good turn out and I think everyone enjoyed themselves. I'm enjoying selling these candles especially since it helps couples w/IF treatments. So awesome, can't go wrong! I'm really tired and need to figure out what we are going to have for dinner so I think I'll just stop w/that.

~IVF Update~
Follie feelings are getting a bit more intense. I feel really bloated and have a lot of pressure on my left ovary. Have an RE appt tomorrow morning and am so excited for it!!

Saturday, November 14, 2009

Today I am...#5

Today I am thankful for friends. I can't say that I have a lot of "true" friends as I've figured out who are my true friends are and who isn't really quickly during this crap we call infertility. I have a few, a very small few like maybe 2 that I think really care about me and my feelings. Most of all I'm thankful for you girls. You have no idea how much I consider each and every one of you to be my "true" friend. You cheer me up when I'm down and actually care about my feelings and truly feel what I feel and that's something that most of my IRL friends can't do. We need friends so badly at this time in our lives and I think most of us don't have the friendships we so deserve & need. I'm thankful for you guys so very much!

~ IVF Update~
Had an RE appt today for a follie scan & b/w. Can I just say WOW! My follies have exploded! They are so much bigger and by George I can feel them suckers too! I keep my meds the same & go back Monday. My guess is ER will be Wednesday. EEKK!

Friday, November 13, 2009

Today I am...#4

Today I am thankful for my job. I may get pissed off alot and I may get bitched out by people for things that are out of my control, and I might not make as much as I THINK I should but at least I have a job. My bills get paid every month, I have a newer car, I have food to eat, I have cloths to wear and if I want something I usually get it. We are definitely at the lower part of the middle class but that's okay. Someday maybe I'll be rich ~wink~. So many people don't have jobs and can't get their bills paid... I see this everyday working at a bank and it makes be appreciate what I DO have. Now if I could just get prego I'd have everything I ever wanted =)

~IVF update~
Bloated, cranky and having painful follie feelings. Yep drugs are a`workin! Go back to the RE tomorrow so we'll see how things are going then.

Thursday, November 12, 2009

Today I am...#3

Today I am thankful for my doggies! It was coming... you know it was =) Seriously though I freaking love my dogs! They really are a mans best friend. They are always there when I'm sad and I swear the understand me when I talk to them... they are like little furry people. I'm so glad I have them and I'm so thankful that Ellie is still alive and doing well. It amazes me everyday at how well she is doing and how good she adapts to her environment (she's blind & had a liver disease). She is the most loving dog and just wants to cuddle all the time. Which is fine by me because I love cuddling w/her. I'm so happy that we got Bree too.. she's such a loving dog. We are almost positive that she was abused and I just can't imagine how people can do that. She just looks up at you w/these sad eyes and just stares right into yours. Most dogs get intimidated when you look them strait in the eye but not her... she's beat you in a staring contest! Gotta love her! These dogs have seen my through some really crappy days and I really don't know how I could have gotten through w/out them.

~RE Update~
Had an u/s & b/w again today... follies are getting nice and plump. I counted about 10 of them. I'm only taking 1amp of menopur now and starting the ganarelix tonight as well. Follistim will stay the same at 75IU in the a.m. I go back Saturday so hopefully things will keep going well!

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Today I am...#2

Today I am thankful for the rest of my family. Jake was yesterday~ hehe. I may bitch about my family but they really aren't so bad! At least I have a family that loves me. Today I went shopping w/my MIL and had a great time. She's so easy to talk to and we have so much in common. Its freaky really... we wear the same clothes half the time! I've been getting along better w/my mom. Its not so weird seeing her w/her much younger boyfriend. Or maybe I'm just used to him now. I need to spend more time w/my brother & his kids though. I don't see them often enough. He lives maybe 2 miles away from me and I honestly can't remember the last time I saw him besides passing each other in the car. I saw his kids on Halloween but not him. I'll see him on Thanksgiving for sure but... we really need to do stuff together. I still miss my dad like crazy and always will. I think about him so much, especially this time of year. Its getting easier to deal with though I guess. I can't believe that this is our 4th Christmas w/out him. Where does time go?

~On the IVF front... day 5 of stims went well... I'm starting to feel the little buggers! Keep growing my little follies! Lets hope for big #'s and size tomorrow!

~Also if you read my blog & do not see your blog listed on my blog list to the right please leave me a comment to let me know so I can add you! I want to read you too.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Today I am...

I read on facebook that people are putting "Today I am thankful for..." as their status and putting something they are thankful for everyday until Thanksgiving. I thought this was a good idea and something that would actually make me think of things to be thankful for instead of all the things to be pissed about! So...

Today I am thankful for...

My Hubbie- He really is an awesome husband. I don't tell him this enough and when I do he thinks I'm just trying to get something out of him. Like tonight for example.. he got off work at 6, ate grilled cheese sandwiches w/me, washed dishes, gave me my shot and then helped me shampoo carpets. He could just be one of those guys that ate their dinner and went strait to the tv (which he did play plenty of PS3 tonight) but he isn't... he really does help out around the house and I'm so glad I married him!

Appt Update

I had an RE appt today for b/w and u/s. Things are looking good so far. Lots of small follies... pretty much exactly the same as IVF #1 on stim day 4. I'm keeping the same dosage of follistim & menopur & go back Thursday. I will start the ganarelix (sp) most likely Thursday. I'll update when I know something!

Going shopping w/my MIL tomorrow! Should be a good time... hoping to find some good deals!

Sunday, November 8, 2009

Day 2 of stims

Well I've already had some horrible hot flashes and have a pounding headache... this isn't a good sign.

~On the other hand AF is finally letting up and most of my Christmas decor is up =)

Thursday, November 5, 2009

There is a god!

Holy crap.... this roller coaster has got to let me off sometime soon! I have the greatest news ever! Apparently the person I talked to yesterday about my ins didn't know squat and there is a "Medical Transition of Care" that will take over for 90 days if my physician is not in the network. I've filled out all the paper work I needed so now I just have to pray this actually works out & is correct. I've been saved!

~Thank you all for the recent awards I've received. I haven't gotten a chance to do them yet but I will here in the next few days. Thanks again! I love you girls =)

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

I. Got. Fucked.

Once again if you don't like curse words don't read this.

That's right... I got fucked. Once again. Right in the ass. I am so freaking pissed, upset, depressed, confused and did I mention I'm pissed??? So ya about this new INS bull shit, well what a damn roller coaster this has become. Let me explain what has went down over the last week or so...
1. Insurance changes Nov 15Th, deductible will be starting over. I wasn't expecting this as every fucking insurance company in the world starts over Jan 1st!
2. New insurance makes an agreement to honor all deductibles paid thus far in 2009. This makes me very fucking happy as I wont have to pay anything for IVF#2 since I've met my max w/my current ins company.
3. I realize this is too good to be true... I will be getting fucked soon. Very soon.
4. Today we have our "new insurance meeting" things sound pretty good... max out of pocket goes down, IF is covered... sound pretty f`in awesome.
5. I get back to my desk and start looking up providers and BAM the ass fucking begins. My RE is NOT A PROVIDER! WTF!! My new INS will take over Nov 15th ,my ER will be around Nov 17-19. I'm missing this by 4 days. Max. I now have to come up w/$5000.00+ for this IVF cycle when I thought I was going to have to pay nothing & I will have to find a new RE.

We were planning on switching RE's if this cycle didn't work anyway but for the love of god... 4 freaking days and I would have been in the clear. 4 fucking day. We are going through w/the cycle... I'll get a loan if I have to. I'm not pushing this back any longer. Not to mention the wait I'm going to have seeing another RE. Looks like any frozen embies I may have will be getting shipped to another RE too. Fuck me this sucks.

~once again I know I'm lucky to have IF coverage at all. I'm so blessed that I do. I'm just so tired of getting screwed over. So fucking tired of it.

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Quick Update

Hi ladies! Just a quick bullet update as I just got home (its almost 4) and I still have to clean house & get dinner ready tonight!!
  • Had my RE appt- no cysts! I take my last BCP tonight & start 75iu of follistim & 2amp of menopure Saturday. I go back Tuesday for more b/w & u/s. Thank god! IVF#2 is actually here!
  • I got the seasonal flu shot today. My arm hurts like hell but I'm glad I did it. Now I just hope it works!
  • Looked all over for an area rug today. Anyone know a good online store to find one??
  • My computer is ridiculously slow right now... hope to catch up to everyone later!

Sunday, November 1, 2009


Hi ladies! How was every one's Halloween? Do anything fun? Dress up? We just passed out candy, had our parents over & niece & nephews. It was a good time. I thought I was coming down w/the flu but I feel so much better today. Thank god. The last thing I need is to get sick right now. My RE's office wont let you come in if you're sick w/the flu... they will pretty much cancel your cycle because they don't want the other patients getting sick. Makes since. I'm going to get the flu shot Tuesday after my RE appt if my RE thinks I should get it. They wanted me to last year so I'm sure they will tell me to do it. Not sure how I feel about the H1N1 vaccine though... kind of scares me. I'll do whatever the RE tells me to though.

So ya... I have an RE appt Tuesday to check for cysts and what not before starting Stim's Saturday. That's right... this coming Saturday I will be starting stims!!! Ugh... I'm so anxious & excited yet trying to stay reserved. I went on The Stir Up Queens blog roll today just looking at IVF blogs trying to find someone that has had multiple IVF's fail and finally succeeded. I found nothing. No one in a similar situation as me. I know there are people out there like me but I'm so scared of this not working. This whole year has been nothing but one heartbreak after another & I just don't know how much more I can take. I'm praying for a miracle here. Please, please, please let this work!

I do plan on doing the vblog thing... I'm not sure how to do it so my DH is going to have to help me. I don't think our camera will take video for very long either... might have to borrow a video camera from my mom. Stay tuned... it may be a while before I can get it done though =)