Lilypie Pregnancy tickers

Lilypie Pregnancy tickers

Wednesday, April 24, 2013

Having a rough time

I doubt anyone will read this but oh well. I'm having a bit of a tough time lately and I don't think I really realized it until now. I have been so busy with work and kids that I haven't had much time to think about anything else or process how I'M feeling. Stressed out and under appreciated pretty much sums it up. I got a "promotion" at work when I got back from maternity leave. "Promotion" if you can really call it that. I'm now the branch manager which is proving to be tougher than I expected. I was doing most of it before I actually got the title but to be honest I thought it would pay better. After the additional 2% tax increase that went into effect the 1st of the year my pay is no higher than it was before I got the new position. With the new position I'm the one that everyone loves to hate. Not all managers are like me but I really do want to make everyone happy and try to be nice to everyone (it's hard sometimes though when not everyone gives their job 100% effort!) but this job is nothing but give, give, give. You get nothing in return. I don't go home feeling a sense of accomplishment and I sure am not going home with any more money in my pocket (You bite the big one Obama). It seems like it's for nothing. Not only is my job turning into a flop but I feel like I have no true friends. I've said this for years as it became pretty clear when DH and I were doing IF treatments. The person that is supposed to be one of my best friends is barely speaking to me. Her and her DH are going through IF and I have tried to be the best support system for them as I can be. I've helped answer hard questions, gave support, prayers, everything I can. Of course it's hard for them now that DH and I have our 2 little ones and M was pretty much a surprise baby. I know it hurt them but it hurts me too that they haven't come by to see the baby (he's 5 months old today) and we've even invited them over. She text me and keeps me posted on what's going on in her cycle and asks my advice on things but a simple "how are things w/you" would mean a lot to me right now. Anywho the point to my rant is and I'll probably catch all kinds of hell for this but... if you are going through IF don't forget your friends w/kids. They most likely really are trying to be there for you but sometimes they have things they want to talk to you about too. Friendships go both ways. AND ask your boss how their day is going sometime... often times they are forgotten and they probably have some of the worst days out of anyone in the office and a simple jester like that could make their day brighter.

Thursday, January 31, 2013

Working out

I've started working out the last few days. I can honestly say I haven't really exercised in years. I never did after C was born... just kinda accepted my new flabby body. Well enough of that! I need to tighten this gut, butt and thighs! I'm convinced the lady in my exercises video is an evil doer and is trying to kill me. I'm so sore already... I've pulled several muscles that I'm not even supposed to be working. Ugh! How do you pull your arm muscles from a belly exercises? I literally couldn't complete that step because I was whining on the floor because my arm hurt! This is going to be a loooooooonnnggg road but I WILL be in a bikini this summer damnit!

Sunday, January 27, 2013

Stress hives?

I have hives. Stress hives I believe. I had them about 4 weeks ago as well and they continued on and off for about a week. I've had them for 2 days now. I can't find a connection between them for an allergy so I'm chalking it up to stress. Makes perfect sense to me. My kids have been sick pretty much non stop for 2 months, seems like M is constantly crying, C constantly wants my attention and someone from work seems to be texting me about problems every day. I have one more week of maternity leave which is bittersweet. I think I will be a better mom by working. Being a SAHM is definitely not for me. On the other hand I will be taking on a lot more responsibility at work and learning something completely new. I'm sure my stress level can only go up at this point. Ack. Having hives freaking sucks. I really hope this isn't a permanent issue. DH doesn't seem to be too supportive.. I tell him this and he's all "what do you want me to do? Just get over it. It will all pass." Really all I want is a hug and someone to say I'm doing just fine... I'm doing a good job... I'm a good mom. I have a babysitter lined up so me DH and I can have some alone time once a month.  I'm waiting until M is a little better first. Then we have the grandparents issue... my mom comes over every Sunday and see's the boys and stays for about an hour. DH's parents on the other hand... might stop by once every 3 weeks, leave the car running and see the kids for 5 min. Neither of our parents ever come and get C and do anything with him. Never once has any of them said hey... why don't you guys go out to dinner and I'll come watch the boys for a few hours. We've went out to dinner one time since M was born and had to ask our parents to watch the boys... I just wish I didn't have to ask. I swear when my boys have kids they will be so sick of me coming over and stealing their kids! I vow to be the best grandma ever! Did I mention that my mom lives 10min away and DH's parents like 5? Seems like it wouldn't be too inconvenient to spend more time with them. Okay vent over. I do feel better... I needed to bitch. :)

Sunday, January 20, 2013

Random Bulletts

  • I started cloth diapering M. So far so good. I have 4 of the nice bum.genius ones and 16 of the cheap ones. You def get what you pay for. I think the is okay as far as the absorbency goes but the material is def not as nice as the bum.genius. He's been leaking out of the sides of the too but I think its just because his legs are so skinny. Hopefully once he plumps up a bit more they will fit better.
  • M got his 2 month shots Friday. He weighed in at a whopping 11LB! He did really good taking the shots but now has a snotty nose, cough and isn't eating much. I'm sure it's a mixture of the shots and a cold. C has been sick pretty much non stop since M was born so I'm surprised it's taken this long for him to get sick. I will be calling the doc first thing tomorrow morning.
  • M is only getting up once in the night... usually around 2 and is back up around 6 or 7 for the day. So nice! He's not sleeping in his crib though. Has been sleeping in the fisher price thing. Freaking amazing thing!
  • C is a wild child! He's def 2 1/2! He's very independent and wants everything his way. His temper has really flared up since M was born... I'm hoping once I go back to work he will settle down a bit. Just need a routine. He doesn't want to take a nap or basically do anything I ask him to do. I think he's just trying to see how much he can get away with. With me it's a lot. I'm way to big of a push over when it comes to him. He just melts my heart!
  • Potty training- ugh. I know C is ready and if we buckled down and did it he'd have it down in a few weeks. I just don't want to. Seems like such a pain in the butt! So nice to just slap a pullup on him and go. We have to work on it though... he's been taking his diaper off when he pee's or poops in it. Yeah... gross. He doesn't tell us he needs to go often but when he does we do bring him to the potty and he goes. My sitter is going to work on him and another girl in the next few weeks so hopefully we can get on the same page and get er done!
  • I go back to work 2 weeks from tomorrow. Suck. I'm going to be sad to go back but excited too because I have a new position! I will be working in the loan department and managing the branch and teller line but wont actually be working on the teller line. I even get my own office! Finally my hard work and dedication is paying off!

Wednesday, January 16, 2013

Cloth Diapers

Do any of you out there cloth diaper? What do you use and why? I bought a few used BumGenius from a friend and like them so far but they are expensive! Looking for a cheaper alternative.. possibly Babyland. I just read some reviews on them and they were good. Thoughts?

Thursday, January 10, 2013

Gee Thanks

Well I had my 29898273 doctor appt yesterday since M was born to check out my lovely crater cooter. She told me what I basically already knew... its cosmetic, it wont hurt anything as far as pooping, peeing and sexing. I would have to see a doctor in Big Name City to for surgical repair if I chose to do so. With it being "cosmetic"of course insurance would cover squat. Supposedly the crater is caused from a popped stitch when C was born... for the scar tissue. Lovely. Fing lovely. DH claims that it isn't that bad and it doesn't bother him. Well it bothers me. What am I supposed to do though? Not like I have thousands of extra dollars to throw around on an "elective"surgery. I think I lied when I said I wasn't depressed or at least I wasn't at the time... I'm getting there though. This is just too much. I can't catch a break.

Saturday, January 5, 2013

A vent and kinda birth story- update

Hi girls! I need a place to vent to here goes... I feel like the last 6 weeks have been some of the best yet worst days I've had in a very, very long time. I feel bad for even saying and thinking it but I'm really not all happy wishy washy over the new baby and this new life we have. Some days I wish I could just keep things the way there were w/just DH, me and Collin. How awful is that? Let me explain a little why I'm feeling the way I am. Post partum? No. I'm not depressed not even sad really... just very tired... tired of being sick, sore and more tired. My labor w/Maddox was great. Simple... 3 hrs and he's out. Problem was that I developed a hematoma of the vulva. Don't know what that is? Google it. It's awful. Basically I had a giant hard nut sack between my legs. After 2 week post partum of dealing with barely being able to move let along sit down I went to my doc. She drained it. Big no no. I ended up in the ER no more than an hour later with the worst pain I've felt in my life. They gave me I don't know how much morophine and vicodine. It didn't even touch the pain. Like I said... horrible! I ended up getting admitted to the hospital overnight continuing the pain meds. The next morning the pain was better and I was released. I thought things were looking up... baby was sleeping, I was feeling better and then all the sudden I develop these sores on my hematoma that were open wounds and bleeding. I go back to the doc and she claims ít's normal... it's healing. Well they only got bigger so I went to get a 2nd opinion. This doc says nope... not normal. It's just going to get bigger and infected if we don't do something. That's why I'm here doc! So he puts some packing in and I go back a week later to get it removed. Finally 6 weeks post partum my lady parts are back to normal. Yay! Then what happens? I develop my first ever yeast infection from all the damn antibiotics I was on. Joy. Those are lovely.Collin was sick for almost a whole week over Christmas and now he's passed it to me. Sore throat and cough...  And now my sweet baby boy is colic. Yet again. Another colicky baby. Some days I just want to run far far away... this too shall pass. All to quickly. I will miss these days. I will. Just physically and emotionally drained right now. ~Sigh~

Update- I just checked my stitching from my tear and I have a crater near my rectum. Same place that a stitch popped when I had C. I go back to the doc on Wed to have her look at it. I've already had my 6 week check and have had countless people looking at my hooha from the hematoma. How did this go unnoticed? Can't I get a freaking break. From the looks of it the only way to repair this will be to cut and stitch me again. Just when I start to feel normal again. Excuse my language but FUCK! I will update after my appointment.