Lilypie Pregnancy tickers

Lilypie Pregnancy tickers

Monday, April 27, 2009

Quick update

Hi ladies! I wanted to give a quick update.. its like 8:15 and I'm so friggin tired! I think I'm going to get ready for bed right now! My eyes are just drooping. I had an RE appt today which went fine I suppose. Things look good. I took my last BCP tonight and started lupron tonight too. I go back Thursday for estrogen b/w and will probably start my estrogen patches Thursday or Friday. I then will go back May 11th for another u/s and start PIO injection that night. FET is scheduled for May 14th. I'm still not excited what so ever. I just want it to be over with. I can't even begin to explain the pain I feel inside right now. I really just want it to go away. That the hardest part though. It will NEVER go away. I have to find a way to deal with this but I just can't figure out how. I'm in such a bad place right now and I don't like it. A coworker announce that she was KU today. She just had baby 6 months ago. It was a suprise. I'm happy for her yes, she is a good mom. I hate it though... another girl is due in June and I just hate that I'm going to have to watch someone elses pregnancy yet again.. I'm tired of hearing about their pregnancy and babies. It literally pains my heart. I'm just feeling left out. Other than a girl that is in college and another girl that just got married I am the only one w/out children. Kids are the topic of every conversation. I just talk about my dogs and look like some kind of wacko. Like anyone really cares about my stupid dog stories anyway.

So I started a list of things to ask/talk with my RE on Thursday and here's what I've got. Leave me a comment if you can think of anything else I'm forgetting!
  1. PGD testing. Should I do this on my next fresh IVF cycle? Could that have anything to do w/why my embies aren't implanting?
  2. My lining was at 7.4? for my FET. Shouldn't it be thicker? That seems thin to me.
  3. Should I get an endometrial biopsy done? I haven't had one. Could that be why my embies arent implanting? What if I have endometrial cancer.. I read that's the only way to find it.
  4. Any other test's I can do that I haven't already done? I've had HSG, HSS, LAP... what are we missing. There has to be something else to test for!

Thursday, April 23, 2009

Random's & an award


I want to say thank you to Jen, Misty & Sherry for awarding me this award. This picture is quite cute! Hehe.
"The blogger who receives this award believes in the Tao of the zombie chicken - excellence, grace and persistence in all situations, even in the midst of a zombie apocalypse. These amazing bloggers regularly produce content so remarkable that their readers would brave a raving pack of zombie chickens just to be able to read their inspiring words. As a recipient of this world-renowned award, you now have the task of passing it on to at least 5 other worthy bloggers. Do not risk the wrath of the zombie chickens by choosing unwisely or not choosing at all…"
I nominate... Wow this is hard to only pick 5!
1. Dot
2. Sherry
3. Misty
4. Jenny C
5. Steph

Now for the randoms...

  • Meds arrived today. Woopie. They didn't send me syringes for the progesterone shots. Looks like I'm off to a great start.
  • Bree (my big dog) finally caught a squirrel in the back yard. She has been working at this since we got her and she succeeded in killing one tonight. I'm totally disgusted and mad at her for killing it. I know its nature but still.... how sad.
  • I am so tired lately. To the point where I could fall asleep at 6pm if I could. Ugh. I'm sure its just because I'm depressed or something.
  • I got a new phone, the ENV2. Love it.

Okay I guess that's all I have for now. I know there was other stuff but I'm so tired I'm delirious right now. I'm gonna go lay on the couch!

Sunday, April 19, 2009

Hiya!

Hi girls! I can't believe my last post was nearly a week ago! I don't really have much to say right now. I'm pretty confused at where & I am in life and where I want to be. I thought that I was accepting what was to be but I'm totally not. I'm not okay w/the fact that I probably will never be pregnant. I'm not okay w/it at all. Frankly I'm pretty pissed off. This whole ordeal has gotten me extremely depressed. I don't feel like the same person at all. No one knows how I feel except you guys and Jake. I just put on the little happy face around everyone else. I will take my last BCP next Monday and also have an u/s that day and will probably be starting stims Tuesday the 28th or so. I'm not excited about it what so ever. I really don't even want to do it. I'm not prepared for the BFN at the end which I'm 99% sure that's what it will be. I know once things get started I will start being more positive about it... just in time to let myself down and start getting depressed all over again over the failure of it all. I've also decided to officially leave WebMd. I haven't made my post yet but I think its for the best. I don't comment on there much anymore anyway and I'm really not the best supporter for anyone right now. Most of the girls I keep up w/have blogs anyway. I just really don't know anyone on there anymore and I'm so fucking tired of people posting their BFP's that aren't even on cycle 12 yet think its okay to come on over. I'm tired of people that have been around for a while but don't have the common sense to put TRIGS in the subject line. They know the rules yet they think its okay to put BFP!!!!!!! in the subject line. See like I said.. I'm no supporter right now. I think I'm just frustrated w/myself more than anything. I feel like I have nothing to say and nothing to contribute on there which is why its my time to go. Of course I will still be keeping up my blog so don't think you all can get rid of me that easy! Anyway sorry for the rambling here... just lots of thoughts in my head right now.

On a positive note... we got a fish over the weekend and named him Chuch Norris. Hehe.

Monday, April 13, 2009

Howdy!

Hi girls! I really just wanted to say thank you for all the b-day wishes! I hope everyone is doing well. I've been crazy tired all weekend so I have lots of catching up to do on your blogs. I started a face book account... I really don't know what I'm doing or how to find anyone unless I have your email so... if you have one find me!!

Friday, April 10, 2009

My B-day and some randomness

Hi girls! Its my 25Th freaking b-day today! Holy crap I feel old. My work pays us for our b-day's off so I get a 3 day weekend! Well kinda... the bank is sponsoring an Easter Egg Hunt tomorrow so I will be at that all morning. Ugh. I really don't feel like being around 500 little kids. Now for my random bullets...

  • TTC wise.. I'm on CD 6. I will take my 4Th BCP tonight. Yum. I have an U/S scheduled for April 27Th. FET #2 going to most likely be May 14Th. Going off of how this last one went. I've had a lot of people ask what my RE is going to do differently... the answer is NOTHING. We will be doing the same protocol. I'm not sure how I feel about this. I just want a damn answer, something! Jake and I have been talking and we decided that if this FET doesn't work we will start looking into adoption. I wont be able to take the time off work from June-Aug anyway so we will be TAB from TTC and start the adoption process. After Aug we plan to do another IVF C and freeze all if any left over embryo's and continue TTC until the end of the year. That is the limit I'm setting myself. Once 2010 hits I'm done w/treatments. We will probably keep TTC the old fashioned way while adopting but I'm sure the chances of us getting pregnant on our own are like 1 in a million! I'm actually content w/my decision and am looking forward to the summer of NOT TTC and starting to adopt. We are going to start in the US and if that doesn't work out probably look into Russia. I really just think its best for us to have a Caucasian baby. I personally could care less about the baby's race as I just want a baby but I know how my town is and I know how people can be and I do not want my baby to feel different or be treated differently. Which in this town is exactly what happens. I really hope that no one takes offence to that... that is just what I feel is best for our family.
  • We finally got our taxes done last night. I was soooo not looking forward to it as we always end up having to pay in. I couldn't believe my ear's when the lady said we were getting back $1300! Holy crap! We haven't gotten anything back the whole time we've been married. I'm so excited! That will pay for my meds for the cycle and Jake to get some new shoes. Hehe. He really needs new shoes!
  • We are going shopping next weekend for our b-days. Jake's was Monday. I'm really excited about that! I need to find me some new perfume and a new purse. We are going to eat at Red Lobster. Ugh... I can't wait! I've been craving Red Lobster for months! Yeah the closest one to us is about 1 1/2 hours away!
  • As I said above today is my b-day. Woopie. I have the day off and here's what it consists of.... cleaning house & decorating for the damn Easter Egg Hunt. I to plan to stop at Maurices for some work shirts (I have a 25% off coupon + my $5 coupon for my b-day). That will be the highlight of my day! We are going to watch Marley & Me tonight. I heard the ending is really said. Yeah... I will probably bawl my eyes out.
  • We are officially NOT buying my mom's house. I called her and bitched her out about putting the sign out front. She counter offered me and we didn't take it. It's probably for the best. We really just need to stay we were are. I love my house, its on the small side but its perfect for us + 1! At least for a little while. I will be sad to see her sell the house though... we moved there when I was 3... lots of memories.
  • Trigs- my friends that are expecting, the ones that would be expecting the same time as me had my IVF worked found out yesterday that they are having a boy! OMG the last thing this world needs is another of this baby's father. hehe. The world just isn't ready for it! If you knew this guy you would understand. Apparently they have names picked out but aren't telling anyone. Okay a girl I work w/is doing the same thing. Not telling the name. THIS BUGS THE SHIT OUT OF ME! Why do people do this? Its so damn annoying!
  • I swear I had more to say but I've forgotten and I really need to get to my cleaning. I wanted to thank you all again for being there for me during all my melt downs. I love you all! Prayers go out to Sherry & her hub as he has broken his leg and she just had her baby girl a few days ago. Talk about bad timing! Dot I'm glad you are feeling better and I'm staying positive for you! Margariet I'm sorry AF found you. That bitch! To anyone else that needs ((((((HUGS))))))) today. I hope to be back to commenting soon. I've been really busy lately and down in the dumps but I'm coming around! Have a nice weekend ladies!

Sunday, April 5, 2009

Sunday bloody Sunday

Started spotting today! Yippy! I'm ready for ol` Aunt Flow to get her ass her so I can start these damned BCP. (Updated-- AF is here in all her glory! C21 for me is officially here) Going of off this last FET looks like FET #2 will be around May 10th. Man that will be here before I know it! I do not have high hopes for it what so ever but I'm still ready for it to get here. I plan to TAB from June- Aug to save some money and figure out that we are going to do rather it be more IVF's or adoption. I'm looking forward to the break. Just to have the summer where I can lay out and swim and drink at some cookouts and have fun! Not being paranoid that I might be pregnant so I can't do anything. Hell I think I might to go ride some roller coasters too! Woot! Haven't been to a theme park forever! Tomorrow is Jake's 27th B-day! My 25th is Friday! Damn we are getting old. Hehe. Not really but it feels like it sometimes. We don't really have anything planned, probably just go out to dinner. Nothing big. Just another day. I need to get a movin` we rented a movie so I best get in there and watch it! Before I do I leave you w/a question...

~~If you were do adopt would you choose an Amercan child or one from another country? If from another country which one and why? What age would you choose, a newborn or an older child?

Thursday, April 2, 2009

BPT=BFN- AGAIN

Of course I knew it would be. I'm okay, really. Looks like I've had all the necessary testing so there is no reason what so ever that it didn't work. Ugh. I really think having unexplained IF is worse than actually knowing whats wrong. At least if I had a reason maybe we could fix it or at least I would know I just need to give up because it will never work. Blah. We are going to be doing another FET w/the same protocol (I still have 4 embies on ice) in May. The RE is sending me some BCP's so I will starting them when AF gets here. I hope she is nice to me! Who knows... maybe the 3rd time really is a charm? Here's to hoping!