Lilypie Pregnancy tickers

Lilypie Pregnancy tickers

Tuesday, March 31, 2009

I dont really have a title...- updated

First off I want to say a huge thank you to all of you wonderful ladies! You have no idea how much your kind words have made the last few days somewhat bearable for me. It amazes me everyday how much someone I've never even "met" could become some of the greatest friends I've ever had. The people that I've come to know on this long shitty journey will forever be in my mind & heart. This experience is one that I will never forget no matter what path I decide to take in the future. My mind has been such a cluster of different thoughts & emotions that I really don't know where to begin telling you my feelings right now. There is a part of me that wants to say okay we still have 4 embryo's lets do one last FET and be done with it. Move on, adopt. Then there is another part of me that refuses to accept that I will never become pregnant and have a biological child of my own so I must continue w/all the IVF's & FET that I possibly can. I just don't know what to do. Do I switch RE's?? This is a question that I've been asking myself for a while now. Would it even make a difference? I love my RE & the nurses but I want a baby and that's what matters. Considering where I live I don't have many options for RE's unless I want to drive another 2 hours on top of the 2 I'm already driving ONE WAY to see the RE. I'm not going to sit here and say "oh poor me, this is so unfair, why me? WHY any of us? I just sit and think about all of you out there going through the same thing as me and it pisses me the fuck off. Why did we get dealt this shit card? Will it ever end? As I was laying in bed crying the other night it hit me... I'm never going to be a grandma. For some reason that has just thrown me through a loop. A grandma... of all things. Grandma's are awesome... I've always thought I'd be a cool granny. That's what sucks the most about IF, it affects everything in your life for the rest of your life. I just don't know how you get past it and live you're life... a life you don't want to have. This just sucks... just sitting here thinking about it makes me physically ill.

~On another note.. I've been trying to keep to myself and haven't really been on the boards. Forgive me for not being supportive right now. I hope to be back soon. Thanks again for everything.

~And the hits just keep fucking coming! Apparently my mother has gone behind my back (& my brothers) and officially put the house up for sale (my MIL just called and told me that they saw they sign). Yes the very house I was hoping to buy from her. I guess her money hungry fucking ass didn't like my offer. What a fucking bitch. I'm so done w/her.
~Went and ran a few arrands today.. came back and got the mail. Well all be fucking damned if there isn't a sample from HUGGIES w/the title of the package being "Pregnant! Almost there!." The sample was a new born diaper addressed to my address w/someone else's name. Why the hell does this shit keep happening. I'm fighting to keep it together right now.

Sunday, March 29, 2009

BFN

Just got back... held it for 2 hours. I dont want to talk right now.

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Answers & Extras!

Holla ladies! How are we on this lovely day? Me.. not so good. I seem to have come down w/a stomach bug. TMI- I've spend 1/2 my day in the bathroom... ugh. What is even grosser is that my progesterone gel seems to be coming out the woohoo in clumps mixed w/a bit of brown. Really freaking nasty. I know no one wants to read this but I had to vent a bit because it really ticks me off! I thought this gel was supposed to stay in there! Grr! Okay now for my answers... thank you all by the way!!

1. Did you think that your DH's proposal was romantic? Did it matter? Haha... wow it was soooo not romantic & no I didn't care. Its a long story but I'll make it short... basically he proposed to me in my bed room because he couldn't wait to do it later that night and he had parked his car in my parents drive way (big no, no because my dad couldn't get into the garage) and my dad came home from work and starting honking the horn & my mom was yelling up the stairs or him to move the car... all the while he's on his knee proposing. My parents felt really bad for ruining it! Hehe.. good times!

2. What was the best trip/vacation you ever went on? When did you go and who were you with? I would have to say going to Seattle in May 2006 for my cousins wedding. I went w/Jake & my mom & dad. It was the best trip because it was the last w/my dad before he died in Aug 2006. We got to spend a lot of time together that week & I'm thankful we were able to go!

3. What is the earliest memory that you have? Packing up my toy box when I was 3 to move into the house I grew up in. I also kind of remember looking at the house and the lady that lived there at the time gave me a stuffed Monkey!

4. What was your most memorable birthday and why? 21st. Kind of! I just remember having a lot of fun w/good friends & the family. The rest of my b-day's I don't really remember doing a whole lot. I did have one kick ass b-day party at the bowling ally & McD's as a kid though!

5. If you could go anywhere in the world, money was no problem, where would you go? Who would you take? Why? I would just go for a road trip all over the US and see all kinds of stuff I've never seen. I'd go w/Jake of course! I've always wanted to just hit the roads w/no where to go & no worries. That would be awesome!

6. What are your all time favorite book, movie and TV show? Book- I'd go w/Dear John by Nikolas Sparks. I read that in one day because I just couldn't put it down! I'm never like that w/books. Most of the time I bet bored 1/2 way through & stop reading. Move- The Titanic or The Wizard of OZ. TV Show- Saved by the Bell! Its one I could watch over & over and never get bored!

7. If you guys could move anywhere where would you move to? I'd say somewhere by the ocean & Jake would probably say the mountains. I've always wanted to live in Maine though.. not sure why.

8. If you could only eat one food for a week what would it be and why? 3 Chicken & cheese Voila meal. You gotta try it! Its awesome!

9. What is the most embarrassing thing you did/that happened to you in high school? Oh god I really have to think about this. Its really hard for me to get embarrased so I guess I'd say Freshman year in study hall all was quite of course & I stepped over my desk to get something on the other side & my shoe got stuck in the book holder (this dealyo on the side of the desk) and I fell on my face. Of course everyone heard the loud ass thud!

10. If you were being executed, what would you pick as your last meal? Grilled Chicken Enchilada & rice w/chips and cheese dip from the Mexican restaurant here in town. AWESOME!

11. Do you have a best day? What is it so far? Wedding day? Graduation? What?I guess my wedding. I can't really think of any others. I'm hoping this Sunday will be when I get a BFP!

12. If TTC doesn't work out for you what would you buy/do to occupy all of your time to make all those other couples w/kids jealous? I would like to go back to school & get a really good job & be rich! LOL!

13. Which outdoor adventure do you think would be fun, but you know you are too much of a chicken to even try? White Water Rafting. No way in hell I'd do it but I bet its a blast!

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Going stir crazy!

Okay so I know I said I wasn't going to POAS until the 31st... there is NO WAY in hell I'm going to be able to wait that long! Who was I trying to fool!? I'm only 8DPO and this is already driving me absolutely crazy. I want to know & I want to know now! Thank god I don't have any HPT in the house or I probably would have already started peeing on them. The fact that I'm on vacation, at home, doing nothing is making this wayyyyy harder than normal. My work is paying for all the employees & their spouses to go to ST Louis this Saturday and stay in a hotel & do whatever we want so that will keep me preoccupied for Saturday. I really wanted to POAS Sat but I don't want to ruin our trip w/a BFN. Jake & I decided that I will test Sunday when we get home. It wont be w/FMU but I figure that would be 13DPO so if I can hold it for even a few hours it should be accurate. Anywho I have a favor to ask of you ladies... to help me keep my mind off of POAS and the "what if's" please ask me a question... any question & I will tell the whole truth & nothing but the truth. ~I saw this on someone else's blog a while back so yes, I stole this idea.~ PLEASE help me!!!!! =P I will answer tomorrow after noon. Deal?

Sunday, March 22, 2009

Don't want this to end...

I never thought I'd say that I do not want my 2ww to end. Ever. But this time I don't. I want to just stay in this week forever. I love the feeling of ~thinking~ I'm pregnant. I love being treated like I am. I love the look Jake gives me. Its a look like I'm important, like I'm fragile... like I'm carrying precious cargo. I don't want this feeling to end. I'm so afraid that my world is going to come crashing down on me yet again with a BFN. Man I hate those 3 letters. I really am trying to stay positive yet I'm guarding myself which is probably a good thing too. I've been taking it really easy the past 3 days and will continue to do so until Thursday when I have to go back to work. I do not plan to POAS until the 31st... which would be about 15DPO. I know you are thinking WTF? Why is she waiting so long!?! Well my answer is that Jake really wants me to wait and I honestly do to. I want to feel these feelings as long as I can. Of course I say that now and will most likely cave long before hand but for now that is my plan. I really hope I'm in for a pleasant surprise. I want this more than anything ever in my life.

Thursday, March 19, 2009

PUPO- Take 2

Its done! FET is over! We transferred 3 embies. There was 1 grade 2 9 cell! Which I guess is pretty darn good! There was 1 6 cell and 1 5 cell all which were grade 2. I have some high hopes for that 9 cell! Woot! They said it just took off growing this morning. We thawed 4 and lost the 1 which was to be expected... I'm so glad the other 3 made it. BPT will be April 2nd. Ugh.. forever away! The PIO injections are kicking my butt! Man do they hurt. My poor butt is bruised to high heaven. This is a pretty funny/gross TMI story but tonight when Jake was getting ready to give me my shot he was down there examining which area he should inject me and low and behold I pass some gas right in his face! Totally accidental! I didn't even know it was coming. He did not find it as funny as I did! It was so hard to not laugh while he actually gave me the shot. Ahh... good times! I will be checking in w/you all tomorrow and the following days... I'm supposed to be laying down so I better get back to that but wanted to give you all my update & say thank you for all your thoughts and prayers! I really appreciate it.

Monday, March 16, 2009

We're a go!

Hi girls! I only have a minute for a quick update. I will check in on you all tomorrow. I had to work late tonight and have had a bunch of stuff to get done around the house! House work never ends! I had my RE appt this AM and everything was lookin` good! I took my last dose of lupron tonight and will begin Progesterone gel & shots tomorrow. FET is set for 1:15 Thursday! I'm trying to stay grounded and not get too excited about it. HA!

I did put my cat down last night. It was very hard. I've never experienced putting an animal to sleep and I hope I don't have to again for a long, long time. It was fast... he didn't feel a thing. I'm glad he isn't suffering anymore. I will really miss having him around but I know in my heart it was the right thing. But I do just feel horrible about it. He put his trust in me and I just took him from his home and put him down. Ugh. I hate the guilt of that. We buried him at my mom's. For those of you that didn't know.. Toby (that's my cats name) had feline immuno deficiency virus which is the feline form of AIDS. There was absolutely nothing we could have done for him. It just sucks that it happened to him. He was quite the fighter though. Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers. I really appreciate them. You are all so awesome!

Sunday, March 15, 2009

The day has come...

I will be putting my cat to sleep today. The day has come where he can no longer get up and move around which is the day I have to make myself put him down. I can not let him suffer any longer. I can not watch him get sicker and weaker. His bones are visible on every inch of his poor body. I hate this. I did not think it would be this hard. I feel like I could throw up. My heart hurts. I do not want to watch him die. I don't know if I can bare to go into the room while they put him down. Jake is at my mom's digging his grave right now. I hate this. I feel so guilty. I know there is nothing I can do for him yet I feel unbearable guilt. I doubt I will be updating any tonight on this but I will try to tomorrow. I also have my RE appt tomorrow to determine if our FET will be Thursday. Please keep us in your thoughts. This is going to be a really hard week for me.

Monday, March 9, 2009

The Mommy Poll

Possibly triggy...

I've been thinking a lot lately about how long of a maternity leave I will take and just how much I really want/have to work after having a baby. Yes, I am being very optimistic that my FET is going to work! I was curious how you all felt about these things... and for a lack of anything else to blog about I thought I'd poke and pry into everyones personal business! :)

1. How long of a maternity leave will you take once you have a baby or how long of a leave did you take when you had your baby?

2. Do you work full time, part time or are you a stay at home mommy?

3. For those SAHM and part timers... how do you do it? How do you afford it?

4. Will/do you take your babies to day care or have a baby sitter? Why did you choose one over the other?

5. If you are a breast feeder do you pump at work? Do you go home for lunch and do it?

Some TTC questions....

1. How long did it take you to get pregnant? Or if you aren't pregnant how long have you been trying?

2. What treatments worked for you? Or what treatments have you done?

3. If you are TTC how long will you continue? Do you have a set time, a set amount of $ you will spend? How do you know when enough is enough?

4. Before TTC did you know you would have problems or did you think you'd be one of the luck ones that would get KU on C1?

5. Do you have any known reasons why you are/did having problems TTC?


My answers are in my comments.

Friday, March 6, 2009

Hehe

I have a patch on my butt and a shot in my gut. When I'm done w/my shots in my gut I will have shots in my butt and a patch on my gut. Such a vicious cycle- literally!


~ If that doesn't make since... which I doubt it does it means that I'm now using estrogen patches which I'm sticking on my rear and taking lupron inj in my stomach. Once I'm finished w/the lupron in my stomach I will begin progesterone in my rear which means I will have to move the patches to my stomach. Ack...

Thursday, March 5, 2009

Let the stims begin!

Just a quick update for ya'll... AF begun yesterday and I had an RE appt this AM for an u/s & b/w. Everything looked great to I get to begin the Estrogen patches tomorrow night! Things are progressing right on schedule. I have another RE appt on the 16th for more b/w & u/s and if that's a go I will begin the progesterone shots that night and have the FET on the 19th! OMG 14 more days and I'll be PUPO! Holy crap I hope this works!

I'm sorry-- this is just a post and go. I just got back from my nephews Spring play and have lots to do tonight. Hope everyone is well and I will be around tomorrow night to catch up on some posting. Have a happy Friday!

Monday, March 2, 2009

Started lupron!

Lupron injections have begun! Yippy! I had my baseline u/s this AM and everything is looking good. I took my last BCP last night and took my first dose (ever) of Lupron tonight. I have another appt for b/w & u/s Thursday. Looks like FET will be right on schedule between the 19th & the 24th. Cant friggin wait!!