Lilypie Pregnancy tickers

Lilypie Pregnancy tickers

Sunday, September 28, 2008

So pissed!

I wrote a post a while back about my family being completely screwed up and the whole battle w/my grandpa and our family business after my dad died so just for some back ground if you don't know what I'm talking about you can go back and read it if you'd like. Also a few posts back a wrote about my crazy cousin Aymee and her bogus email to me about IVF. Well... here's the latest and I'm so fucking pissed right now!

I was talking to my mom on the phone a while ago and she asked if my aunt was in town (my dad's sister that lives in Cali). I told her I had no idea and I really didn't want to talk to any of them anyway. I hadn't told her about Aymee's emails yet because I knew she would be pissed! Well she wanted to know what happened so I told her and of course she was pissed. She asked what started it and I told her how I emailed Aymee to let her know why I couldn't come to her wedding. Then my mom says that she never got an invite. Well that just pissed me right the fuck off. My family is so friggin fake! They act like nothing is wrong and ask us to do stuff when they are here but yet they don't even invite my mom to the wedding? Its all over money. The damn $30,000 that we got from my DADS HALF OF THE BUSINESS. That he owned! It was such a small amount that its ridiculous. They are just so money hungry. Then my mom's boy friend (also known as DB for douchbag, hes kinda rubbing off on me though) called and told me that a few weeks before we finally settled the business drama that my aunts (Dad's sisters) were calling my mom every night yelling at her and making her cry! I had no idea. My mom didn't want to tell me that because she didn't want to upset me. Well... this is the last fucking straw. I just sent my aunt & my cousin Aymee (my aunts daughter) and email totally telling them off and told them I wanted nothing to do w/them and that is BS that my mom wasn't invited. She did NOTHING to them what so ever. I told them that my grandpa was a horrible person and is just as fake as they are. I bitched about the whole IVF issue and told them to stay away from me & my family and that my dad would be so upset and disappointed in them. Ugh...!! My family is so screwed up! I'm so tired of this stupid ass drama. It just makes me so mad. We were all so close but then you throw some $$$$ in there and its all over. Fuck em. I don't even care anymore.

Thursday, September 18, 2008

Lap- update

Hey Ladies! I made it out alive! Sorry I didnt post last night but I was a bit out of it. I'm feeling okay. My incisions are hurting a bit but the most pain is the shoulder pain from the gas. I'm good as long as I'm laying flat. I plan on showering this morning some time but I'm a little nervous about that too. Now for the real update.... My RE drained and removed my cysts w/a laser and I DID have endo after all. Not a big surprise to me. I have stage 3 endo that was pretty much all along the outside of my uterus and next to my bladder. My RE said he got it all so hopefully that should help improve my chances at getting KU. I told Jake that I'm really looking forward to this C now. I know I shouldnt get all excited but I am. I figure my endo is gone & I'll be on injectables + IUI, he is taking vitamines to get his count back up... I donno MAYBE we'll get lucky. Anyway I'm going to lay back down my sholders are killing me. I will check in some more today.

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

My response

There is so much more that I wanted to say but I've got to get to bed but I just couldnt let it rest. Lap is in the morning... holy shit I'm scared!

First off let me begin by saying I do not need to be "warned" about Invitro. As far as I'm concerned Invitro is my God send. If it weren't for IVF there would be so many couples that would never have been able to have children. There are many many couples that go the IVF route... probably people that you are close to and don't even know that's how they got pregnant. Infertility is a disease that so many people, such as yourself are so ignorant about. Not that its your fault but its the fault of people not opening up about it. Infertility is not something that people should be ashamed of nor is IVF. I don't know how you could say that by having IVF that I am "responsible for robbing souls from God by creating these babies." These babies ARE souls from God. For your information I do not plan on destroying my embryos. Jake & I have talked countless hours about this and we are going to donate them to other infertile couples so they can experience the joy's of birthing a child. To someone who has never gone through infertility this could never be understood. A person w/infertility is often compared to a person that has been diagnosed w/cancer. The feeling are the same. A person would do anything to stay alive just like a person w/infertility would do anything to have a child. Are you saying it isn't "God's Plan" for a person w/cancer to pursue radiation & chemo? You are going to say this is different but it is not. I want a baby just like a person w/cancer wants to live and I will do what ever it takes to make that happen. Yes, there is adoption and that is something I will do if it gets to that point. I know there are many children out there that need good homes but that is not going to stop me right now from trying to have a child that is both Jake & I. Another thing that I would like to point out is the fact that people do things like IVF to get pregnant that isn't maybe natural or the way God wants things to be but what about people like Laura that have to give themselves shots to keep their baby? Do you think she shouldn't give herself infertility related drugs to keep her unborn child? Wouldn't that be as bad as destroying your embryos after an IVF transfer? I think so. You say I should leave this up to God and I will have my baby. Aymee... you are living in a fantasy world. Prayer is helping me emotionally right now but God is not going to give me a baby. God is the one that has made this hard on me for a reason & I think its to make me a stronger person. I do not believe that God is against IVF in anyway, he loves all of his children... no matter how they got here. I believe that God provides us w/resources and means to achieve our goals in life. I believe that God created the scientist and doctors that created IVF and do the procedures for the simple fact of making babies. These children may be "lab created" but they are no less a person than you or I. I certainly hope that you do a bit more research on the subject of infertility and IVF and that you never have to experience what Jake & I are. I pray that children come easy to you, and if they don't I hope that you at least think about your options because trust me you cant possibly know that IVF is not the answer if you haven't been faced w/the fact that IVF may be the only way you become a mother.

You must be kidding me

This is an email I just got from my crazy cousin after I told her I couldnt make it to her wedding because we would be doing IVF. What the fuck do I say back to this? I swear I am so fucking pissed off! If she didnt live halfway across the US I'd punch the bitch right in the face!

Hi Jayme!
Thanks for letting me know. I am so very sorry you two are having trouble getting pregnant, but I must warn you against Invitro. No, I had no idea you were thinking of doing anything like that, and I must tell you "Don't!" And here is why. I babysat for several years for a family who decided to do invitro because the father got a vasectomy and the reversal left them trying for a few years to get pregnant taking hormone shots etc etc. They did invitro and she has 2 beautiful twin boys Gibson and Lucas, who I took care of from infant to about age 2. She knew I was a devout Catholic and one day she came to me with tears and her eyes saying that she had been up crying on her knees all night because she had said the act of contrition prayer I had given her, and weighing on her mind was the fact that there are now 6 other embryos in a laboratory that were formed from her egg and his sperm and she didn't know what to do with them. She didn't want to have them all and she wasn't sure she wanted to give them to someone else. I couldn't believe it, what a terrible matter of conscience for a person to have to bear, and all because she wanted another child. I told her she ought to talk to a priest, but the whole thing just makes me sick to my stomach.
I know it must be so hard to be patient. Many of your friends have children, and believe me, I can't even imagine how badly you must want them. I want them too, and I have certainly thought about "what if" i can't. However, I already know invitro is not the answer.
The answer, I believe, is heartfelt fervent, continual prayer to God and sacrifice. That's the answer, and I truly believe if you do this, God will give you a child. Don't put yourself in that position to be responsible for robbing souls from God by creating these babies only to sit in a laboratory and eventually die if no one wants them. What about adoption?
I may not change your mind, but pray about this before you do it, and please take into consideration the grave ramifications of such a decision. Besides, then you could stop wasting your time and money at these fertility clinics and let the Divine Physician (Our Lord) take care of you. I think as soon as you would do that you would get pregnant. As soon as you let go and let God.
God love you and bless you if you will only do His Will. I am going to pray and offer up what I can for you and Jake. Please consider what I have told you. Miss you! Love you!
Take care and hope to see you at the wedding!

Sunday, September 14, 2008

A little bit on Bree

We adopted Bree from the Humane Society on Feb 9, 2008. Jake & I had been talking about getting another dog but pretty much decided it wasn't the best idea. Well on Feb 9Th we went to the mall and just so happens that the Humane Society is doing a "Valentines Day Adopt a Dog-Athon." Once we saw Bree we had to have her. She was so sweet and was just chillin` in the middle of the mall taking a nap. Normally when you adopt a dog from the Humane Society you have to go through a waiting period and be approved before you can take the animal home. Luckily they knew who we were because of my family's dog food business donating food to them so they let us have her that day! We brought her home & her and Ellie of course had to sit and sniff each other for a bit. Ellie didn't like her much for quite some time. She wouldn't even play w/her toys because they smelled like Bree. Eventually they became good friends and play together great, but she still gets on Ellie's nerves from time to time. Bree weights about 35lb and we THINK she is a Border Collie & some kind of terrier. Of course we will never know for sure. Some one just dumped her off. We think she must have been abused because she is scared of everything, even sticking her head out the car window! Even now when we go to pet her she hunkers down like we're going to hit her. Poor thing. She is so sweet! Her favorite spot in the house is laying on top of a chair in front of our front window. She's good buddies w/the neighbor across the streets dog and that dog lays on the couch in front of their window too so Bree & her sit there all day and stare at each other. I think they are in love! We found out the hard way that Bree is Lactose intolerant. We used to go the a local ice cream shop and get little baby cones in a cup for Ellie so we did the same for Bree when they opened up for the summer. Well Bree ended up getting sick for about a week... no more ice cream for her! She is extremely hyper & loves to play w/toys and run laps around the house. At first when we got her I thought we'd made a mistake by getting another dog but everyday that goes by she is rubbing off onto me and I love her even more!

Saturday, September 13, 2008

Little Miss Ellie

This is my little Ellie girl! I wanted to do a post about my dogs so I thought I'd start w/my oldest. I will do a separate post on Bree tomorrow if I have time. First off let me say that my dogs mean everything to me. Some may think I'm a bit obsessive and over protective of them but they are my babies. Mostly Ellie is my baby and let me tell you why.
We adopted Ellie on January 1st 2005. She was a mere 2 months old and weighed maybe 1lb. She was the cutest little thing! We decided to crate her at night and when we weren't home until she was house broken. Well... here first night w/us made it impossible to keep her in her crate. She just cried and cried until we finally went in and got her and put her in bed w/us. She's slept w/us ever since. Her favorite spot is curled up in a little ball on my pillow. I get a little corner for my head, I don't mind though. About 3 weeks after we got her she got really sick. She wouldn't walk or eat anything. I called in sick that day to stay w/her hoping she would get better. She didn't and only got worse. I took her to the vet and they ran numerous tests on her to see what was wrong. She was there for about 5 days & weighed 1/2lb when we got her back. The vet did not think she was going to make it, no one did. Jake & I went to visit her every night and she would get so excited! Her little tail would wag until she just wore herself out because she had no energy. My vet sent off her blood work to the U Of I for further testing (that cost us a pretty penny). Turns out Ellie has a Porto Systemic Shunt (spelling). Basically her blood bypasses the liver & doesn't filter out the proteins. Ellie has to have medicine by mouth 3 times a day & prescription dog food. She isn't allowed treats, although we give her small pieces anyway. She is now almost completely blind. You can see in her picture that her left eye is smaller and doesn't have a glare in it. Her eye is almost totally white now. She is so happy though.. you would never know she has a liver disease. I do believe Ellie has a case of separation anxiety. She follows me everywhere! Not that I really mind. I love this dog to death she is my little fighter!

Thursday, September 11, 2008

Lap on Wednesday

Welp I had another U/S today and as expected my cysts are still there and haven't gotten any smaller. We scheduled the lap for Wednesday. He wants to get in there and remove the cysts or at least see what kind it is so we know how to treat it. He is 90% sure that its either a cyst caused by endo or some kind of cyst caused by ovulation and the egg bleeding. I didn't really understand that part of it & I easily could have miss heard. Anyway I will be having the lap plus possible hysteroscopy & possible HSG followed by a D&C. Have any of you heard of getting this done at the same time as your lap? I've already had an HSG & hysteroscopy. Thanks ladies!

Sunday, September 7, 2008


Use it people! I mean seriously, I know I don't use the best punctuation as I always hated English class but at least I don't keep writing a paragraph w/out using one damn period. It makes things so hard to read when someone doesn't even brake up their sentences w/a period or exclamation point or something. I see it on the boards all the time. It makes me wonder... how did you get a job? Did you really graduate from the 8Th grade?

Friday, September 5, 2008

Prayers needed

Please, please, please pray for my friend Jenny who has recently lost her husband & is now facing a miscarriage. My heart goes out to her. I think this is probably the most heart wrenching story I have ever heard. A person should never have to go through what she is going through. It is so unfair to her. She is a good person & doesn't deserve this. Please go over to her blog & send her some kind words. I don't know how to set up a link but her site is the "Tale of two Coin's" found at the right of my blog. All we can do is pray for a miracle for her. So so sad.

Tuesday, September 2, 2008

Update- About to throw in the towel.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. I swear I'm about to loose my friggin mind! I had an RE appt today to have another U/S done to see if my cysts went away. To my RE's surprise the cysts we not only still there but they hadn't went down & there was another one. He said some cysts are follicular (sp) cysts and some can be caused by endo. I have another U/S scheduled for next Thursday in hopes that the cysts are gone & if not I'm having a lap done the following Wed. I'm halfway happy about that. I just want to know if I do have endo & get rid of it. Endo is something I've been wondering if I had for along time. Even before TTC. Until then I have to keep taking BCP and hope they go away. Ugh.. hopefully the longer I take BCP spot will finally disappear. I'm so frustrated. I swear... things were going so well and then BAM Jake's count drops drastically, I have cysts & now maybe endo. Give me a break. Give all of us a break. IF sucks.