Lilypie Pregnancy tickers

Lilypie Pregnancy tickers

Saturday, July 26, 2008

I gotta get away.

I've been doing some really serious thinking about moving. Moving to another state, not a different neighborhood. The town I live in is small. There is maybe 15 stores in our mall all of which suck. You have to drive 1 1/2 hours to get some where w/good shopping. Me being a person that loves to shop I absolutly hate it. I've been searching the web for houses & we could move to Indianapolis (DH went to college there at ITT) and get a house thats twice the size as ours built in 2000 for the price of ours. Dont get me wrong. I love my house & what we have done w/it but I need a change. A serious change. Not just a change of color on the walls. I could get a job at any bank & Jake could work constructin there or go back to an engineering place he worked at in college. The good thing about what he does now is that his dad owns it and he can always come back if it doesnt work out. I need to get out of this black hole town I live in. I've always wanted to move somewhere else. I'm just so depressed right now... I know things will get better but I need something more. Maybe I'm just reaching out to the wrong things but I cant get moving away out of my head. I guess I think a fresh start, a new us, a new life! Stupid huh?

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

My List.

I need a bit of a pick me up so I thought I would jot down some things that I love & some things I hate just to vent a bit. Of course this is just a small list there are much more things I love/hate more than this!

~Things I love~

My husband
My mom & late dad
My brother
My nieces & nephews
My mother & father in-law
My brother in-law
My grandparents & grandparent's in-law
My doggies
All of my other family (most of them)
My cat (lives w/my mom)
My friends
My job (most of the time)
The smell of rain
The sounds of a thunderstorm
Laying out
Being appreciated
Dreaming
Looking at old pictures
My Zune
My house

The ocean
Vacations
The smell of my dads cologne
Pizza
Old school memories
Getting flowers
Miami Ink
CSI


~Things I hate~

Being Infertile
Fertile crack whores
Funerals
Backstabbers
Social climbers
Liars
Cheaters
All around just fake people
People that do not use car seats (big pet peeve)
Animal abusers/neglecters
People that do not take care of their houses
People that do not bathe
Rude people
People that take FOREVER in Walmart line w/their damn coupons and
what not
People that try & push their religion on you
People that don't fill out their deposit tickets or know their account number!
Bad drivers
Most meats (not a vegetarian or anything I just don't like most meat)
Burger King commercials


Wow my ~Things I love~ list is bigger than the ~Things I hate~ I'm actually suprised!





Wednesday, July 16, 2008

The next step.

Well I POAS again this morning. Another - which I expected. I called the RE's and they still want me to get a beta today to be sure that I'm not KU before stopping the progesterone. Blah. I talked to the nurse for quite a while on the phone and here is what she said... Next cycle we are doing IUI w/100mg clomid & hcg. Testing for antibodies on the 29th. If we do have antibodies than they will but a pinkish fluid in the "semen cup" that pretty much washes the antibodies off the sperm. If that cycle doesnt work we will move onto injectables w/IUI for a cycle or 2. We are going to have a consultation w/my RE on the day of our IUI's to discuss our plans and what we will do if these fail. Pretty much sounds like I will have about 3 more IUI's before moving to IVF or anything like that. Which is fine w/me. I just want to add something else to the mix other than clomid ya know? Anywho just wanted to let you all know where I'm at. Thanks for all your kind words to me about my bfn's & pity parties. IF just sucks. Just plain sucks.

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

I can't get over it.

Why did this cycle fail? I just wish I knew... did the sperm not make it there? Could it not penetrate the egg? Did it fertilize & not implant? So many questions w/no answers. I still have one more day. I will test again tomorrow and then AF will be here Thursday. I'm definitely not expecting my BFN's to turn positive & if it did I would probably fall over dead. Seriously folks. Anyway back to my pity party... I feel sick. Sick to my stomach. I just don't know what I'm going to do next. I think I will try 1 more IUI & then I'm telling my RE its time to try something else. For fuck sake I never thought I would have to go through this. I know I'm no different from anyone else but man. You just never think something like this could happen to YOU but it can happen to anyone. Why not me? Then again... why not me to get pregnant? Why can't I. I'm just not buying the whole hostile cervical mucus anymore. I need another reason. That just doesn't cut the mustard. There has to be a better reason. I know I was having problems ovulating which makes since of why the first 6mo TTC ended in negatives but the last 6 I have either been on clomid, clomid & HCG or natural but have ovulated each time. Perfect timing w/all. I'm saying ovulation is not the problem anymore. RE's office wants to check us for antibodies. What the hell is antibodies? What if we have them, then what? Millions of questions running through my head non stop. I think I'm going to go postal. I need an outlet. A hobby of some sorts. I'm not into scrap booking and stuff like that. I really like to decorate but hell I cant buy stuff like that anymore. Too many doctor bills! Maybe I should start running? Of course then I would be afraid I would get preggo and loose the baby from running. Ugh! I need a damned life! I thought starting a blog would be good. Something to do to release some frustrations. It has been nice but I feel like all I do is bitch on here. I need a positive topic to talk about. Only problem w/that is that I'm so negative right now about everything. Alright I believe I'm rambling now. If anyone reads this... please give me your opinion. What would you do if you were me?

Sunday, July 13, 2008

11DPO BFN

I can't do this. I cant. If I keep getting negatives I dont know what I'm going to do. My last cycle nearly killed me. It hurts. I cant even explain it. I feel like I'm dying inside. What am I going to do? Do I keep doing IUI's. Do I TAB for a while? I dont want to stop, I cant stop. I've never wanted something so bad in my entire life nor have I tried so hard to get it. I've always been happy with what I have but not anymore. There is no way I can be happy without a child. No friggin way. How do I keep smiling? How can I be happy for people w/children who treat them like shit? I'm so depressed. I really thought this was it. I have no hope left. I know 11DPO is early but come on. I know its going to be - the next day & the day after too. I'm done being positive. It gets me no where.

Monday, July 7, 2008

Progesterone Level

My 5DPO progesterone level was 33!! Hell yah! I'm pretty proud of that number. Now I just hope to god one spermie made it to ONE of the eggs. As there about had to be multiple ones released. Beta is on Monday. Wish me luck!

Friday, July 4, 2008

Bad neighbor take two.

OMG you guys aren't even going to believe this. If I was pissed before you have no idea how mad I am now!! My neighbor that is moving because his house is being repossessed plays on a baseball league. Well... our neighbor across the street plays w/him and we are good friends with him & his wife. Last night we went w/the "good" neighbors on their boat on the lake to watch fire works and the husband which is on the same baseball team as the "bad" neighbor tells me that "bad" neighbor told EVERYONE on his baseball team that the reason he is moving is because him & I are having an affair and Jake found out!!!!!!!!!!! PLEASE. OMG. This guy is probably 20yrs older than me. He has a big ol beer belly & he doesn't take care of his animals! Do you really think I would cheat on my husband w/this guy!?! Yeah right. I just hope no one believes him. We live in a small town where stuff like this gets spread like wild fire. EVERYONE hear w/in a few weeks. I'm not even kidding. I mean seriously WHY would you say something like that? If Jake were to believe that, that could break up a marriage. Thank god Jake knows hes a MORON and that I would never do that. He just better pray he doesn't come back here for any reason what so ever. What a fucking fuck! Grrrrr. To top that off our awesome lake outing last night turned out to be the craziest night I have had in a long time. First off we are cruising the lake getting ready for the fire works to start when we get pulled over by the water authority people. Dick heads. They end up checking every little thing on the boat. The fire extinguisher, the life jackets, making Luke "good" neighbor do a sobriety test, which he passed, makeing sure the horn & the lights worked. They gave him a $75 ticket for being 1 life jacket short. We were like 75 FT from their dock where we could have gotten another one. But no, they gave him a ticket anyway. Ass hole. THEN after that we decide to take our spot to watch the fire works the boat dies. Yes it dies. In the lake. We had to paddle our way to shore for Luke to go WALK to his house to get a new battery dealy. We were waiting for nearly 1 hr. He comes back, fixes the boat and we were then on our way. Well we get pulled over AGAIN. Luke told him we dont have time for this! "We've already been pulled over once tonight, our boat was dead for 1yr & I'm running on a battery. We have to go home." The cop was like "oh okay" and just left. I woudn't believe it. I though for sure he was getting another ticket. Finally we get back to their house and their dog is missing. Must of gotten spooked from the fire works. We have no idea how she got out of her cage. I hope they found her. Poor thing. She's a sweetie. Her & my dog Bree are like best friends. Bree wines out the window if Jasmine "good" neighbor is out. Anyway... this got to be really long. Just had to vent about "bad" neighbor & our fun time w/"good" neighbor. Ugh... happy 4Th to me.

Wednesday, July 2, 2008

IUI Update

Well I'm back! I sucessfully completed 2 IUI's this cycle! I'm glad its over. I'm trying not to get my hopes but but its just so hard! The 1st IUI Dh had 30mil sperm w/63% motility and today he had 25mil w/66% motility. My RE was quite pleased w/the numbers. He said my chances are about the same or a little better than last time. Around 40%. We shall see! All in all everything went fine. Minor cramps during the IUI's... now I'm fine. Jake has a swollen weenie though! Too much self love for him! Haha. I feel bad for him though it really looks bad. We also go a ticket on our way home. Jake ran a red light! Thank god we didnt get hit. I drove after that though! Welp thats it. Thats all I've got. Now I'm in the 2ww!! Bring it on!!