Lilypie Pregnancy tickers

Lilypie Pregnancy tickers

Sunday, June 29, 2008

What a friggin a-hole!

Man I am soooo pissed off right now. My husband just came inside from mowing the yard and proceeds to tell me that our neighbor who is moving is going around telling the other neighbors that he is moving because he can't stand Jake. Turns out he's actually moving because his house is getting repossessed. The only reason he doesn't like us is because a few months ago his little dog got worms and was starving to death is his back yard. Jake & I being dog lovers got completely pissed & told him he had to either take the dog to the vet or give it away or else we were bringing it to a shelter. He ended up giving it to a friend of his... or so he said. Other than that we have been good neighbors for the last 2 years we have lived here. I wouldn't say we were "friends" or anything but Jake & him would talk sometimes. I mean seriously to go around telling neighbors you can't stand someone basically because he didn't want your dog to starve. Fuck him. I wish he was home right now. I swear all these hormones make me a huge bitch. I just want to go over there and punch him in the nose. Good riddance. Maybe we will get a decent neighbor in there now. .. ass hole.

RE appt tomorrow!

Alrighty... I have an RE appt tomorrow morning for my U/S & HCG shot. Hopefully anyway.. just depends on my follies! If I do get the hcg tomorrow I will have IUI's on Tuesday & Wednesday. We are planning on staying in Sprinfield on Monday & Tuesday night (its 2 hrs away!). Looks like I wont be able to update until Wed evening. I just REALLY hope I can get everything done by Wednesday. I really cant take off any more time from work right now. Anywho wish me luck! I'm excited! I know I shouldnt be but... I'm just super hopeful about this. I talked w/my hubbie and if this doesnt work we are going to have a lap next cycle to check for endo which I will discuss w/the RE tomorrow too. Ugh I'm going to go broke!

Saturday, June 28, 2008

"So Far Away"

This is such a good song. I had to share w/you all. These lyrics pretty much sum up how I'm feeling right now.... Its called "So Far Away" by Staind.

This is my life
Its not what it was before
All of these feelings I've shared
And these are my dreams
That I've never lived before
Somebody shake me
`cause I
I must be sleeping

Now that we're here,
Its so far away
All the struggle we thought was in vain
All in the mistakes,
One life contained
They all finally start to go away
And I feel like I can face the day I can forgive
And I'm not ashamed to be the person that I am today

These are my words
That I've never said before
I think I'm doing okay
And this is my smile
That I've never shown before

Somebody shake me `cause I
I must be sleeping


I'm so afraid of waking
Please don't shake me
Afraid of waking
Please don't shake me

Saturday, June 21, 2008

I'm bored and needed something to do.

I stole this from "thenewlifeofnancy", thought it looked like fun!

Use the first letter of your Mother’s name (first or middle) to answer each of the following.

1. What is your Mother’s name? Well its Virginia but she goes by her middle name Elaine so We'll say... Elaine
2. Something you would find in the freezer section? Egg rolls
3. A beverage enjoyed in the summer? Electric lemonade (mixed drink from Fridays)
4. A word to describe your butt? excellent! haha not really
5. Something you would find in your garden? Egg plant?
6. Something a cat would drag in? everything! My cat has dragged in many different objects/animals
7. A favorite book title? "Everything you need to know about pregnancy"
8. A fancy entree at your favorite restaurant? Egg drop soup at the Chinese place. Okay I cant think of anything else! Nothing starts w/E !!! God mom change your name!
9. Something that is on your amazon wish list? Exercise bike. That's a lie.
10. Something you have hidden under your bed? Electric guitar case. True.

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

R.I.P Grandma Dorothy

My husbands grandma passed away this morning. I may as well just say "my" grandma as I was closer to her than both of my own. Unfortunately this was her 2nd bout w/cancer that we knew she wouldn't make through. The doctors gave her 1yr. she made it 3 months. She was by far one of the most awesome people you could even imagine knowing. So funny and full of energy for an 79 year old. She said all she wanted to do was live to see our baby someday. I wanted so bad for her to be able to too but in my heart knew it wasn't going to happen. It does make me feel better to know that she didn't have to "suffer" too long. It was relatively quick and painless where as if she would have lived another 9 months she would have went through so much pain and suffering. For that I'm thankful for. I just don't understand why bad things happen to good people. I mean she went to church 2 times a week and never hurt a fly. Why her? Why not some murderer? Death is something I will never understand. You would think after all the death I have seen that it would get easier... it doesn't. Death sucks and grieving is such a hard battle to fight. I just hope grandpa will be okay. Poor guy. Hes 80 and probably hasn't cooked/cleaned a day in his life. This is going to be so hard on him. *Sigh*

Monday, June 16, 2008

I feel bad for my hubbie

Poor guy. He is always trying to cheer me up. When I'm sad and crying he just hugs me and says everything will work out okay. Truth is... I dont give him enough support on this whole TTC journey. I keep feeling bad for myself and kind of forget that he is hurting too. I'm not the only one acting this way either. When he told his dad our IUI failed his dad said "oh poor Jayme I bet she is taking this really hard." Jake said he just wanted to be like "yeah what about me? I'm taking it hard too!" I think all too often we forget about our significant others. I'm really going to try and work on that.

Sunday, June 15, 2008

Well here I am.

I've finally created a blog. This is something I have been thinking about doing for awhile just to write down my thoughts and try and get some shit off my mind. I don't have a whole hell of a lot to say today. I'm in a pretty shitty mood. I woke up this morning to good ol' Aunt Flow. What a whore. I hate her. I get the worst cramps! So far they aren't too bad but by the end of the day I'm going to want to rip my uterus out. Last cycle was the biggest let down I've experience yet. I had my first IUI combined w/HCG & clomid. Alas.. it failed. I wasn't surprised. This cycle we are doing 2 IUI's back to back w/HCG & clomid. Christ I hope this works. I seriously don't think I can take another negative. It fucking sucks. Last night was a bundle of laughs too. We had some friends over. Man they can say the stupidest shit sometimes w/out even trying. I know they mean well but good lord when your friend just tells you that her artificial insemination failed would you then go on and on and on and on and on about how you are going to start trying to have a baby!!? NO you wouldn't because I'm sure you have a brain right? Probably not. Most people are just so uneducated on the subject of infertility that they truly don't know what to say I guess. Seriously though would you tell a friend of yours that just lost their legs that you are going to go out mountain hiking and how AWESOME of a time you're going to have and basically say "um... sucks you cant join us on this incredible journey". As soon as everyone left I just went in the bath room and bawled my eyes out. I'm so tired of feeling like a damn failure. I've had 2 friends that have started TTC, got pregnant and had their babies after I started TTC and here I am still waiting for a +. Now 2 more friends are going to start trying and they will probably deliver too before I even see a BFP. IF I ever do that is. The fact of the matter is... if I knew I would get PG in 2 years I could live BUT there is no promise in that. It may never happen and that I can't deal w/that. You are probably wondering why I'm having trouble becoming pregnant and here's why: I rarely ovulate on my own w/out medication, DH's has a varicocele and his SA is on the low side of the norm and I have hostile cervical mucus that basically kills all the sperm before it can even pass through the cervix. That's why we are trying IUI's hoping that we can bypass all the obstacles and get the sperm where it should be and all is well. Man I've said a lot more than I thought I would today. Anywho.. better luck next time I guess. Infertility blows.