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Monday, October 12, 2009

What a shitty night

I wasn't going to blog about this because I thought I would just get over it and move on just like I HAVE to do w/everything else but I can't get over this and I can't get it out of my head so I must type out my frustrations...

Saturday was supposed to be a really fun day. I had to work in the morning but that's okay I had a reception to go to that night and planned on having a great time. Well we ended up not really knowing anyone there and got bored so Jake & I left shortly after the dinner. Then a "friend" of ours called and wanted to meet up and have a few drinks. This is the same "friend" that I have talked about in the past that makes the "oh fertile me" comments and totally ripes me to pieces sometimes. I try to avoid this woman as much as possible but her hubbie & mine are best buds so its hard to sometimes. I had no choice... we had to meet them at a bar for a few drinks. That's okay I thought... I'll just get drunk & wont care what she says to me. WRONG! I didn't get drunk (not sure how because I was drinking & sure trying to) and I really cared about what she said to me. I'm not exaggerating when I say she went on & on for an hour saying that she stopped her pill 3 weeks ago and though she'd be pregnant w/#2 by now and how much it sucks to have to wait a WHOLE MONTH to try again, how she really wants to give her hubbie a boy this time & would feel bad if she didn't, talked about making her hubbie get snipped after this because she doesn't want anymore kids, talked about how her hubbie needs to basically do everything for her when shes prego because she is carrying his child.. yada yada I could go on but you get my point. Seriously why in gods name would you say all of this to me? Its obvious that everything she is bitching about is NOTHING compared to what I'm going through and I simply don't want/need to hear this shit. What kid of friend actually does this? I can't stop thinking about this. I can't stop thinking about how she is going to be lapping me any day, another friend is going to get prego any day and I'm going to frigging loose it. I really think I'll go off the deep end. This is just so fucking unfair and I can't take it anymore. Its my turn damnit! Its my turn. After we went home Jake and I tried to have a serious conversation about TTC & adoption. I know I want to adopt but I'm just so afraid of actually starting it. What if I don't get approved? What if we don't make enough? What if they think we're unfit or something? What if they don't like my dogs? Then I have nothing... no chance of being a mommy. I'm just so depressed right now and so overwhelmed w/grief that I really don't even know what to do w/myself anymore. I just want to stay home & stay away from everyone because then I don't have to hear announcements or stupid comments from people that are supposed to care about me.

12 comments:

Caitlin said...

Jayme I'm so sorry...I can't stand it when so-called "friends" make insensitive comments like that. IF is hard enough without fertiles rubbing it in our faces.

Have you talked to your hubbie about not spending time with them? Just explain how she makes you feel and if him and his friend want to get together, maybe make it a guys night type of thing.

(((HUGS)))

elephantscanremember said...

(Gigantic HUGS) I am so sorry, Jayme. That is totally unfair for her to do that to you. Perhaps your dh and his friend should just hang out while you stay home or go somewhere else with real friends who actually care for you. What would she do if you just started talking about something else while she's going on and on?

She's an inconsiderate idiot.

Gabby said...

i am so so sorry - this must be so tough to hear. You may need to just "have plans" the next time you are oferred the opportunity to hang out with her.

we have to choose in life the people we spend time with.

Steph O. said...

I'm so sorry Jaime, she sounds awful! I agree w/PP- the guys should get together on a "guy's time" basis.

It would be fun sometimes to go off on these women & let them know what real reprodutive problems are. But they won't ever really get it & it's just opening yourself up to a lot of hurt.

(((((HUGE HUGS)))))

Dot said...

Jayme...(((HUGS)))

Wow, all I can say is W.O.W ! No one deserves to be talked to like that...where was your hubby when all this was being said to you ? Seriously, he needs to say something to her or her hubby for her inconsiderate comments ! I wouldn't hang out with them anymore..

~*JaYmE*~ said...

Thanks girls... I just really needed to get that off my chest. I'm just so upset over the whole thing... she's supposed to be a good friend of mine but she has hurt and continues to hurt me more than anyone else. I wish I could just write her off completely but unfortunatly her sister & Jakes bro are together (w/2 kids) and I'm afraid if I say what I really want that might hurt my relationship w/her sister. Jake has said stuff to her many times.. he can't stand her and she knows it. Jake is one of those people that says what hes thinking & doesn't care what anyone thinks about it. I love that about him. =)

Tanya said...

All I can give are:
((((((HUGS))))))

Misty Dawn said...

I'm so sorry Jamie. I've found that I've just stopped talking to people that are like that but your situation is diff since the DH's like each other. But I would def try to bypass alcohol next time...prob easier said than done. ((((HUGS)))) she was totally in the wrong for acting like that, but its sad to say she should have known better. Just tell her off once and put her in her place. LOL j/k

M said...

OOOOH, I'm so sorry Jayme. It just makes me cringe reading all the things that she said to you. She sounds like the type of person who probably wouldn't "get it" or would get offended if you ever talked to her about it. ((((HUGS)))

nancy said...

Oh honey. Don't worry so much about adoption, you are a good woman and you'll get approved. I think it's so lame how much the adoption process "grades" people on their lives, no one has to get approval to have a baby, you know? But just the fact you are worried about it shows how much you actually are the type to get approved. People who don't get approved are the ones who have no clue.

~hugs~ about that stupid, thoughtless woman you had to hang out with. LAME. Even me, at the end of my journey having succeeded, would of probably broken down in tears or ripped her head off. Either/Or.

I wanted to thank you for participating in my "say something about me" post. You said some really nice things and I'm humbled.

Jen said...

God, I really can't believe some of the stupid, insensitive things that people can say. Especially when they know what you are going through.

About a month ago, someone that knows very well what I have gone through with Shawn and the baby said to me, "They want a baby so bad they can taste it. They have been trying so hard, it just isn't fair" I sucked it up and decided to ask how long this couple had been trying, the person told me two months. I thought I was going to flipping lose it on this person. The same person who knows exaclty how long it took me to get pregnant and then knows that I lost our baby. I couldn't believe what she was telling me. I wanted to scream at her. This same person called me a few weeks ago to tell me that the couple is now pregnant and that they are so happy and that the baby will make all the bad stuff go away. I wanted to puke once again. Some people just don't get it.

Try not to worry about adoption. I'm sure everything will work out. You are a great person. You have lots to offer a child and you will be an amazing Mommy one day. Stay strong.

(((((HUGS)))))

Robin said...

(((hugs)))

Ugh. Your friend sounds like a total jerk. Sorry you had to go through that (and weren't drunk-er!). Does your friend know about your IF issues? If so it is totally inexcusable and definite grounds for un-friendage.

I think I'm about to get lapped, too. You're right, it sucks.