Friday, September 25, 2009
I have this anxious feeling in the pit of my stomach that someone, and I don't know who is going to make an "announcement." An announcement that I don't only not want to hear but an announcement that I seriously don't think I can emotionally take. Friends of mine that started trying when I did have babies & are now thinking of trying for #2, friends that started trying years after me are having their babies and here I am... just me. Still just me. No baby on my hip & no baby in my belly. The only baby I have is the baby that is held in my heart. The baby that I may never meet, the baby that may only exist in my brain & in my dreams. I've been carrying around this pain in my heart for so long... when will it go away? Never. I can't see that this could ever get any easier to deal with. Ever. I hate this, I hate it all. I hate that I have to wait 2 more months before I can TRY again. That's all it is... TRYING. I'm tired of trying damn it.