Lilypie Pregnancy tickers

Lilypie Pregnancy tickers

Saturday, June 20, 2009

What should I do?

A friend of mine whom is married to a good friend of my husbands is pregnant and due in Sept w/her 3rd. I'm pretty good friends w/her I guess but I'm having a really hard time w/her pregnancy as I would be due almost the exact same day had IVF #1 worked. I've been avoiding her almost the entire time of this pregnancy and it seems to help. Anywho... I got an invite in the mail for her baby shower (I know its her 3rd but its her 1st w/her hubbie now). I don't know if I should go or not. I'm having a hard time w/showers, babies and bellies right now and I just don't think I'm w/it enough to make it through. I'd feel really bad for not going and I highly doubt anyone would understand why I skipped out but... I really, really, don't want to go. Any advice? What would you do? I will get her a gift even if I don't attend.

13 comments:

Anonymous said...

If you know it's going to be really hard and uncomfortable for you...don't go! Only go if you think it may be a good time or fun! I know when I'm about to face an uncomfortable situation it's easier for myself to just get or be preoccupied with something else! You are having a really hard time dealing with it no need to make it worse on you!! If she's a friend she'll understand...and plus you're still getting her a gift! Don't worry...it will all work out the way it needs to. You'll do the right thing. Praying for you!!! Blessings.

Steph O. said...

Send a card/gift. Don't put yourself through that! It doesn't matter if your friends don't all understand, you don't have to answer to them. The simple phrase of "I'm not able to make it" goes a long way.

(((HUGS)))

elephantscanremember said...

I agree. If you feel uncomfortable now about it, think how you will feel when you're there physically. Save yourself the extra stress. (Hugs)

^J^ said...

Self-preservation!! That's what I say. If you don't want to go, don't. If, you feel like you need to go then go, but don't stay the whole time. Chat with someone who doesn't have kids or has older kids (they're less likely to talk about children the whole time) Tell her there is somewhere else you need to be and leave early.

Anonymous said...

You shouldn't have to go if you don't want to but at the very least talk to her and give her the reason why you don't want to go.She really isn't doing anything to purposely hurt you, shes just living her life. You said shes a good friend and you've just been avoiding her, explain yourself even if its just over the phone.

~*JaYmE*~ said...

For the record I do plan to tell her why I'm not going if I decide not to go. I know she isn't doing anything to purposely hurt me, I never said that. I'm happy for her and her family. I really am. Just hurting myself thats all.

Dot said...

Don't go, why put yourself thru the uncofortabliness if you don't have to. I would send a gift ofcourse.

(((HUGS)))

Robin said...

Send a gift! If you feel like you don't want to explain why you're not going then come up with an illness at the last minute or get unbreakable plans with family.

I would totally not go if I were you, and not feel bad about it one bit! Like a previous commenter said..self preservation!!

Daisy83808 said...

Honestly, I would go. My thought is that it is OK for me to be sad for myself, but I would never want to make a friend feel bad for being pregnant when I'm not. I always want my friends to know that I love them and I'm there for them. Whenever I have a shower to go to, I tell myself that it's not about me today, it is about my friend. After all, my friends have been there for me when I'm sad. I'm sure they will be there for me when I'm happy. So I want to be there for them during happy and sad times as well. Sure, it's hard and makes me sad. I cry. But this is my friend, and I want to show her my support.

Daisy83808 said...

I just wanted to add that I say that in a non-judgemental way. This is just my opinion for myself. This is just the decision I made for myself, but I don't think a different opinion would be wrong. I see both sides, and this is the choice I made and why.

Julie said...

Ultimately, only you can decide what is right for you. Definitely talk to your friend and explain why you have been avoiding her. If she is as good of a friend as you say she probably realizes that you are having a hard time and just didn't want to leave you out in case you did want to be at the baby shower.

I'm sorry her pregnancy is a reminder of what you could have. I hope that you are able to deal with the pain and that everything works out for the best. (((HUGS)))

Allison said...

I'd probably send a gift. If I were feeling strong enough, I might call her and tell her why I haven't been around as much. If I wasn't feeling strong, though, I'd probably send a gift and a "I'm sorry I can't make it" message.

(((Hugs))) That's a tough call. On one hand, I'd want to go to be supportive, but at the same time, I'd really want to avoid all the pity looks. Showers are so freaking tough. If it happens for me, I do not want one. You never know who's going through a hard time, and I've never heard anyone say (aside from to the recipient's face) "I can't WAIT for that shower!"

Okay. I went off on a tangent. But anyway.... good luck, Jayme.

Birdee said...

Does she know that about you? (Assuming yes). Maybe a card with a loving explination, and a sweet gift. I know that I would understand but I understand IF, not all ppl do. I hope she can understand, but no, If it was too hard for me, I wouldnt go. If I had too, I'd get the flu that day.