Lilypie Pregnancy tickers

Lilypie Pregnancy tickers

Sunday, April 19, 2009

Hiya!

Hi girls! I can't believe my last post was nearly a week ago! I don't really have much to say right now. I'm pretty confused at where & I am in life and where I want to be. I thought that I was accepting what was to be but I'm totally not. I'm not okay w/the fact that I probably will never be pregnant. I'm not okay w/it at all. Frankly I'm pretty pissed off. This whole ordeal has gotten me extremely depressed. I don't feel like the same person at all. No one knows how I feel except you guys and Jake. I just put on the little happy face around everyone else. I will take my last BCP next Monday and also have an u/s that day and will probably be starting stims Tuesday the 28th or so. I'm not excited about it what so ever. I really don't even want to do it. I'm not prepared for the BFN at the end which I'm 99% sure that's what it will be. I know once things get started I will start being more positive about it... just in time to let myself down and start getting depressed all over again over the failure of it all. I've also decided to officially leave WebMd. I haven't made my post yet but I think its for the best. I don't comment on there much anymore anyway and I'm really not the best supporter for anyone right now. Most of the girls I keep up w/have blogs anyway. I just really don't know anyone on there anymore and I'm so fucking tired of people posting their BFP's that aren't even on cycle 12 yet think its okay to come on over. I'm tired of people that have been around for a while but don't have the common sense to put TRIGS in the subject line. They know the rules yet they think its okay to put BFP!!!!!!! in the subject line. See like I said.. I'm no supporter right now. I think I'm just frustrated w/myself more than anything. I feel like I have nothing to say and nothing to contribute on there which is why its my time to go. Of course I will still be keeping up my blog so don't think you all can get rid of me that easy! Anyway sorry for the rambling here... just lots of thoughts in my head right now.

On a positive note... we got a fish over the weekend and named him Chuch Norris. Hehe.

7 comments:

Julie said...

I completely understand why you are leaving webmd. Although I was happy for people in our group that got their BFP, it was hard seeing people that had barely been there getting BFPs before all of the rest of us that had been there forever. I just started feeling that I didn't really know anyone, and in my own selfish way I didn't really want to get to know the new people just to see them leave in a few weeks.

I'm glad that you will be keeping your blog up so I can continue to keep tabs on you. Also, I truly hope this next IVF works for you. (((HUGS))) I feel your pain and hope that it can end. You don't deserve to be going through all this disappointment and heartache.

M said...

I'm kind of feeling the same way. I don't want to give up on We.bM.D and I don't think I'll leave right now but I don't post like I used to over there. I'm blaming it on the format and the fact that now that most of us have blogs, we don't want to say the same thing twice so we just update on our blogs.

(((HUGS))) girl. It sounds like you are having a rough day. Some days IF can just slap you right in the face. I am here for you.

Sarah said...

(((HUGS)))

I understand how you are feeling.
I have not posted much lately either. I just don't have much to say. Our lie is crazy. My FIL is dying, DH is stressed due to that and work, it seems that everyone around me is pregnant.

I'm glad your going to keep blogging. Have fun with your fish!

Dot said...

It seems like alot of us who have been on the boards for a longer time feel the exact same way... I have noticed most of us don't post much anymore. But we still have that bond ! The board just seems to have a different vibe than before...and yes, those trigless BFP's just piss me off too !

Hugs and prayers to you !

higretchen said...

Hi Jayme,
I still lurk on the 12M+ board and noticed the same thing. There were TWO newer people who recently put "BFP!" as the subject.... I was suprised to see it and also suprised that nobody called them out on it (usually they do). I couldn't, don't post there anymore. It's like a slap in the face - I'm not there anymore but even I understand that much.

Anyway - I have also noticed that you hadn't been posting there much lately (and you too Dot!). I totally understand and sometimes you just need a break from that. I wish you well in this upcoming cycle. You have been through so much and deserve this so much...

Love the new fish name!
-Gretch

Morgan said...

(((HUGS)))

Steph O. said...

I understand. I mostly keep up w/y'all on your blogs anyway.

I agree with what so many of the the other ladies said. It's so hard to be there for so long, then see "newbies" come & go. Sigh. I see some BFP posts & all I can think is "who are you???". It's truly insulting when they start with "i've never posted, but i've lurked for a while now..." Umm, ok, you feel you know us, but you're just another pg stranger rubbing it in our faces! And, yes, 12 months MEANS 12 months! Don't come over on your 11th month on your first dose of Clomid, just to post a bfp 2wks later. We can live w/o that. Not that I'm not happy for them, I am & I wish them all the best.

So glad to know that you ladies feel that way too & I'm not just a jerk!

(((HUGS))) Jayme! I hope this C works for you!