Lilypie Pregnancy tickers

Lilypie Pregnancy tickers

Friday, January 2, 2009

Still a chance?- Updated

An incredible small chance. I POAS this AM and got a veeeerrrry faint line. The same line that I got yesterday. Much much lighter than Wednesday's. I figure it is still the HCG coming out of my system as AF would be due today and if I wasn't on progesterone and I would think the line would be much darker than this. If I am KU or ever was it was very short lived. I still have my BPT Monday which I'm expecting to be a big ZERO. I do not plan to test anymore because I just don't see the point. I called the RE just to see if I could get a BPT today so I wouldn't have to wait the whole weekend and the nurse told me no because the FRER could be just picking up the HCG and they had to wait until they knew that was out before giving me any results. I knew this already but I guess I was just hoping she would give me some positive incite. She said they have had many women that were very pregnant that got a very faint line so not to really look at the darkness of the line meaning anything. I know there is a VERY SMALL chance that it worked but my faith is gone. I can not tell you the amount of tears I have shed since Wednesday night nor the amount of time I have cursed god for why he has done this to me. I feel as though I am loosing my faith in everything. Yes I am hopeful for my FET but completely terrified of going through all of this again. Not to mention my deductible started over on the 1st. I just want some answers as to why this didn't work. I know I will never know for sure but I feel as though something is being missed. If everything about my body has been corrected when why has nothing worked? If the only problem w/Jake is a low count than why did IUI's not work? And for gods sake why wouldn't IVF work? I could go on and on about it but I will stop here. Thank you all for staying positive for me!

~Just added~
I just got a call from the Vet & my cat (lives w/my mom) has been diagnosed w/Feline Immunodeficiency virus which is the feline form of HIV. This disease is untreatable but he could still live for years w/the disease. I have to take him for frequent blood tests to monitor him & he is not allowed to go outside because he can spread the disease to other cats & catch infections. He is a little over 8 years old. I called my mom to let her know what was going on and she said "well what am I going to do? I'm moving to ______ in the Spring & Toby cant be in the house!" Thanks mom. Looks like Toby will be homeless & I will most likely have to put him down because my mom's stupid fucking boyfriend doesn't want him in his house. I would take Toby to my house but he would seriously kill my dogs. They would never get along. Unless I can find someone what would want to take care of a sick cat Toby's life will probably end this Spring. Fuck Fuck Fuck. WHY DOES THIS SHIT KEEP HAPPENING?????

Also I got a message from "fertile friend" on my myspace asking if I wanted to go w/her Sunday to get a tattoo. Um... no. Lets back up a few days I haven't updated on her. Well I didn't say anything to her a few day's ago about her comment that I'm jealous of her baby BUT she sent an email to me telling me she is leaving her husband. Her husband is currently over sea's fighting in the war. Apparently she sent him an email on Christmas day telling him this. Now her husband & mine are best friends. My husband HATES her w/a passion. After hearing all of this and her message today acting like everything was all hunkey dorey I decided enough is enough & I'm telling her how I feel. I told her that I was pissed off by her comments to me and I basically didn't want to be her friend anymore & told her she was a shitty friend for being that way to me. I feel much better. I'm sure it will all get twisted around but I don't care. If there are friends of mine that want to believe her shit then fuck them too. I'm done. I'm tired of having people like that in my life. AMEN! I feel so much better right now.


ssbean said...

Oh Jamye, (((HUGS))). It is 100% ok for you to feel the feelings you are feeling right now. I'm still hoping for this to end with a BFP, however likely or unlikely it is. I wish I had more words to say, but honestly sometimes "I'm sorry" is all I can come up with. So, with that said, I'm sorry you are having such a terrible battle with this. Hopefully sooner than later, this chapter of your life will pass and you can move onto the next.

margelina said...

(((HUGS))) Jayme. I hate that you are going through all of this and that you just have to keep waiting and waiting for a real answer. I hope and pray that on Monday you will get some amazing news. I know you are hurting right now, and I wish I could make you feel better. But since Ii can't, just know that I'm thinking about you and completely on your side. I will reamin hopeful for you, even though you don't feel that way yourslef right now. (((hugs))) again.

To A T said...

(((HUGS))) I am so sorry to hear about your cat hon! Oh my that's the last thing you need to deal with right now :(

I am so happy to hear that you told your "friend" off though. You don't need people like that in your life- they only cause turmoil. Good for you! :)

I've still got all my crossables crossed that you get a BFP!!

Jen said...


I'm so sorry you are having such a hard time right now.

If you need anything please let me know, we can chat through email. Or email me and we can exchange phone numbers.

I hope and pray that Monday turns out to be a great day for you!

Fingers, toes, arms, and legs are crossed for you.

higretchen said...

Hi Jayme,
Probably for the best that you told your friend off! Before, it made more sense to just ignore it but now that she's dumping her husband and this is your DH's best friend, I think you made the right move and I'm so glad it made you feel better!

I'm so sorry about your cat. Do you have any friends who are local & willing to take him? If you end up left with that difficult decision, just please don't feel guilty about it - you're making the best decision you can for your cat.

I'm not even commenting on the other stuff anymore until MONDAY. =)