Lilypie Pregnancy tickers

Lilypie Pregnancy tickers

Monday, January 5, 2009

BPT=BFN

I was expecting it. I POAS this AM and it was negative so I knew my BPT would be too. I've cried my heart out enough over the last few days that I'm actually okay. I haven't cried at all today. Not even when I heard it was a definite no. I have to admit, it hurts. My heart actually hurts and my stomach feels like I've just been kicked and could vomit at any given moment. I feel like I've been screwed. Why did I have to be the 53% that doesn't get pregnant and not be one of the lucky 47% that did. I am lucky enough to have 8 frozen embryo's that are of very good quality so we still have at least 1 FET attempt left. The RE's office told me to stop taking all my meds & wait for my period and call them to set up a consult w/the RE. I'm not sure how long it will be before I can start my FET cycle. I'm wondering if I wont have to wait a month to let my ovaries get back to normal or if that even matters since they wont be stimulated? I haven't a clue what all goes into FET cycles. When we do have our consult I'm going to demand answers. I just don't understand. I feel like there has to be something that is being missed here. I want to know why. The embryos were perfect, my lining was perfect.. I did everything I was supposed to do. WHY didn't it take? I suppose I will never know and that's the worst part of all. I'm so scared of the FET cycle just for the fear of failing again. I remember how hopeful & excited I was when I first went on Provera to start AF... then onto Clomid. OMG I thought Clomid was the miracle drug and bam I'd be pregnant. After that failed numerous times and we started seeing the RE we started w/IUI's right away. Okay I thought IUI's that will get the sperm right where it needs to be, no problem this will work for sure. 4 Cycles (I think) of IUI's w/Clomid & HCG 1 w/inj & HCG all being BFN's I thought okay... enough is enough. I cant take it anymore. Thank god for IVF, I mean IVF always works right? WRONG! Now I'm thinking what comes after IVF? What can I pour my heart into next & just know it will work? Nothing. There is nothing after IVF.

8 comments:

margelina said...

(((HUGS))) Jayme. I am so, so sorry. I wish I had answers for you, I wish I could have something to say that would make you feel better. But, I have hugs and support, and I'm here for you, whatever, whenever.

Jen said...

(((((HUGS)))))
Jayme~I'm so sorry that this did not work for you. Like Margelina I really wish I could give you answers as to why this didn't work. Although, I'm quickly learning that sometimes life sucks ass and there is no answers to some of the hardest questions that we face.

Please know that I'm here for you when ever you need anything. I'm just an email away from you if you need anything...anything at all just let me know.

I will be thinking about you.

(((((HUGS HUGS HUGS HUGS)))))

JennaDee said...

(((HUGS))) I'm so so so sorry

Coco said...

I haven't ever commented here but have been following your blog. I just wanted to tell you how sorry I am and that you will be in my prayers.

myhopefulheart said...

Jayme, I'm really sorry. I hope things improve for you in the future.
Marie

ssbean said...

(((HUGS))) I'm so sorry, I was really hoping for better news. I hope you can get some answers from your RE. If you need anything, please let me know. I hope your FET cycle turns out better. I wish I had the words to say, but honestly I don't. (((HUGS)))

Misty Dawn said...

My heart is breaking for you

(((((((((HUGS)))))))))))

I kwym though, starting this TTC journey I remember thinking that the girls on JSO would be so mad at me if I got KU on the 1 C temping after my Lap and I hoped that was all it would take. Then thinking oh, the girls on 6+ will hate me if I get KU on my first C w/ my RE, then came Clomid w/ injects, then Femara w/ Injects & IUI, then just injects (which made me really hopeful). I have NOTHING to show for all this effort except failure.

I am thankful that you have a FET C left and those 8 wonderful embies that are ready to nestle in to a nice soft bed for 9 months. I hope that at least 4 survive the thaw and you will transfer them all. I've heard from the girls on ITSG that the FET C's have higher success rates b/c your body is under less stress from all the meds. I hope it works for you just the same. I sure hope one of us makes it soon.......

To A T said...

Oh honey HUGE ((((HUGS))))
I'm so sorry it was a negative :(
My heart hurts for you sweetie :( Please know that you are in my thoughts and prayers!