Af has officially found me today. I started spotting yesterday at 13DPO, AF came today at 14DPO... 1 day earlier than normal. I knew she was coming because I was getting BFN's but still... I have to say I was really sad to see her show. So far I haven't had any cramps at all which is awesome. Hopefully it stays this way. I have an RE appt Tuesday for my CD3 u/s and IVF consult. I'm really looking forward to it. I'm so ready to get to stabbing myself in the stomach! I know, I'm sick! The damned follistim has been sitting in my fridge for months just aching to be used! Finally I will be able to put them to use. I'm scared to death of follistim though. I've heard so many horror stories about being completely hormonally crazy. Please tell me there lies! All lies! My depressed mood has advanced a bit as I had a major breakdown Friday night w/Jake. When I was at work Friday I heard a couple of the girls whispering and I'm pretty sure it was about one of them being pregnant. This girl is 22, already has one kid and cant afford him. I thought I was going to throw up. I tired to just go about my business but all I wanted to do was go home and feel sorry for myself. Then it got me thinking... I have 2 friends that are currently trying to get pregnant and its just a matter of time before they tell me they are expecting. Although I will be happy for them it will be a stab in my heart to hear. I have been trying for a year and a half and damn it I think its my turn! I've done everything I'm supposed to do. Why isn't it happening for us? This was my thinking Friday night as I cried myself to sleep and even made Jake start crying too. He even said this was the worst year of his life and he will never forget it, even when we do have children. This surprised the crap out of me. I feel the same way but I guess I just don't give him enough credit for his feelings. I really need to work on that.
On a better note. Jake and I went to visit some friends in Indiana last night and spent the night up there. I got to do some shopping, went out to eat, had a few drinks and even went to a haunted house! It was pretty cool. It was actually at an old Insane Asylum which made it even more freaky. We had a good time but I'm glad to be home. I always enjoy getting away for the weekend but at the same time I just cant wait to get home. Welp, I better get going. I have some house cleaning to do. I will try and catch up on everyone in a bit! Sorry I've been MIA lately.