Tuesday, July 15, 2008
I can't get over it.
Why did this cycle fail? I just wish I knew... did the sperm not make it there? Could it not penetrate the egg? Did it fertilize & not implant? So many questions w/no answers. I still have one more day. I will test again tomorrow and then AF will be here Thursday. I'm definitely not expecting my BFN's to turn positive & if it did I would probably fall over dead. Seriously folks. Anyway back to my pity party... I feel sick. Sick to my stomach. I just don't know what I'm going to do next. I think I will try 1 more IUI & then I'm telling my RE its time to try something else. For fuck sake I never thought I would have to go through this. I know I'm no different from anyone else but man. You just never think something like this could happen to YOU but it can happen to anyone. Why not me? Then again... why not me to get pregnant? Why can't I. I'm just not buying the whole hostile cervical mucus anymore. I need another reason. That just doesn't cut the mustard. There has to be a better reason. I know I was having problems ovulating which makes since of why the first 6mo TTC ended in negatives but the last 6 I have either been on clomid, clomid & HCG or natural but have ovulated each time. Perfect timing w/all. I'm saying ovulation is not the problem anymore. RE's office wants to check us for antibodies. What the hell is antibodies? What if we have them, then what? Millions of questions running through my head non stop. I think I'm going to go postal. I need an outlet. A hobby of some sorts. I'm not into scrap booking and stuff like that. I really like to decorate but hell I cant buy stuff like that anymore. Too many doctor bills! Maybe I should start running? Of course then I would be afraid I would get preggo and loose the baby from running. Ugh! I need a damned life! I thought starting a blog would be good. Something to do to release some frustrations. It has been nice but I feel like all I do is bitch on here. I need a positive topic to talk about. Only problem w/that is that I'm so negative right now about everything. Alright I believe I'm rambling now. If anyone reads this... please give me your opinion. What would you do if you were me?