Lilypie Pregnancy tickers

Lilypie Pregnancy tickers

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

I can't get over it.

Why did this cycle fail? I just wish I knew... did the sperm not make it there? Could it not penetrate the egg? Did it fertilize & not implant? So many questions w/no answers. I still have one more day. I will test again tomorrow and then AF will be here Thursday. I'm definitely not expecting my BFN's to turn positive & if it did I would probably fall over dead. Seriously folks. Anyway back to my pity party... I feel sick. Sick to my stomach. I just don't know what I'm going to do next. I think I will try 1 more IUI & then I'm telling my RE its time to try something else. For fuck sake I never thought I would have to go through this. I know I'm no different from anyone else but man. You just never think something like this could happen to YOU but it can happen to anyone. Why not me? Then again... why not me to get pregnant? Why can't I. I'm just not buying the whole hostile cervical mucus anymore. I need another reason. That just doesn't cut the mustard. There has to be a better reason. I know I was having problems ovulating which makes since of why the first 6mo TTC ended in negatives but the last 6 I have either been on clomid, clomid & HCG or natural but have ovulated each time. Perfect timing w/all. I'm saying ovulation is not the problem anymore. RE's office wants to check us for antibodies. What the hell is antibodies? What if we have them, then what? Millions of questions running through my head non stop. I think I'm going to go postal. I need an outlet. A hobby of some sorts. I'm not into scrap booking and stuff like that. I really like to decorate but hell I cant buy stuff like that anymore. Too many doctor bills! Maybe I should start running? Of course then I would be afraid I would get preggo and loose the baby from running. Ugh! I need a damned life! I thought starting a blog would be good. Something to do to release some frustrations. It has been nice but I feel like all I do is bitch on here. I need a positive topic to talk about. Only problem w/that is that I'm so negative right now about everything. Alright I believe I'm rambling now. If anyone reads this... please give me your opinion. What would you do if you were me?

2 comments:

Jen said...

Jayme,

I'm so sorry you are having to go thru this. This whole thing just sucks big time.

I haven't gone thru any IUI' but I can only imagine how you are feeling now. I really don't know why good people can't have a baby and stupid cracked out people do it all the time. Life is so unfair.

I think all of your feelings are totally normal. I think it would be odd if you didn't feel what you are feeling now.

As far as a hobby no idea what to tell you....I started my blog to "relieve" some stress and thought it would be fun, but like you I feel like a bitch a lot and I don't want to do that. I tried running but my boobs are too big and it hurts, I was into Pilates for a while but then stopped b/c I didn't think it would be good to do just incase I got pregnate. So here is what I'm doing now and what I would suggest...go buy some smutty books and crawl into bed. It has actually made me feel a little better the last few days. :)

Buy the way...love the expression about the mustard. Haven't heard that one before. Cute!!

Also know that I will be thinking about you and sending you any luck I can.

~*JaYmE*~ said...

Thank you so much Jen. That really means alot. I dont know what I would do if I hadnt found the boards. Its so nice to have someone else to talk to that know what you're going through. Good idea on the books! I'm going to have to get some.