Lilypie Pregnancy tickers

Lilypie Pregnancy tickers

Wednesday, December 31, 2008

I tested...

Why did I even do it? I should have POAS to make sure the trigger was out of system long before today but no I was too cheap to go buy more tests. I POAS this AM w/FMU at 13DPO. 10DP 3DT. 9DP HCG. I got a faint BFP. I looked on FF and the line is comparable to that of a BFP for a 10DPO or so. I'm thinking that if it was a true BFP it would have been darker than that. It must be the HCG. Right? I'm going to test again tomorrow & see if the line is darker & still test on Friday no matter what. I should have just waited until Friday period. What do you guys think? The 2nd dose of HCG I had to take was only 1/2 CC so I'm wondering if since it was 1/2 of what I would normally take maybe, just maybe it would be gone already. Please send me some positive vibes. I'm so down right now. I just know it didnt work. I feel it. =(

Monday, December 29, 2008

Need advice & update

First for the update... I had an RE appt today to check my ovaries & my progesterone/estrogen levels. My ovaries are moderately hyperstimulated w/a few little cysts. He said the cysts were just from ovulation & wasn't concerned about them but said not to lift things, not to stretch, and no sex to help w/the ovaries. Ugh just what I needed! My lining looks super. Too early to tell anything baby wise so still have to wait to POAS Friday.

Now I need advice. I have a friend that got KU her first try a few months after I had started TTC. Her baby is now like 8 months old. This "friend" of mine has said some really shittiest things to me about her being so fertile, yada yada yada. I try to avoid her at all costs just because I don't want to hear it. Apparently she is telling people that I don't want to be around her because she has a baby & I don't. That I am jealous of her. I seriously want to go to her house and drop kick her ass in the throat. What a fucking bitch. I need some words of wisdome from you guys. What would you say? Would you say anthing at all? HELP ME!

Saturday, December 27, 2008

9DPO, 6DP 3DT

OMG this is killing me!!! I just want to POAS so damn bad! And I can't because of this stupid HCG shot. I plan on POAS on Jan, 2. I figure that will be 15DPO and 11DP HCG shot. I should have an accurate result. Sadly if its negative it will be true.... I'm getting very nervous. I keep trying to tell myself that it worked. That I'm pregnant. Jake says in his head I am. What if I'm not? Its going to be the worst pain I have ever felt in my life. I haven't temped this cycle at all because I didn't want to obsess over my chart yet I still go on FF and look at other IVF charts. Like I can really compare anything to them but I do it anyway. I just wish I could know right now. I started using estrogen patches this morning. I have to put 2 on and change them every 3 days or so. I also have an RE appt Monday for an u/s & b/w. They wont be able to see anything yet, its just to check my ovaries and progesterone levels. I guess I'm just hoping to get some reassurance from my RE. I will update Monday night & let you know how that went. I hope everyone had a good Christmas. I'm so glad its over! I plan on taking down all my Christmas stuff tomorrow. I would have don't it today but I was just too lazy!!

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Award & some random's


Thank you Margilina for awarding me the "Your blog is fabulous" award! Such a sweetie.
The rules for this one is to admit my 5 addictions and then pass it onto another 5 blogs…
1. Cleanliness & order. I have to have everything in its perfect spot. If something is moved even slightly I WILL know & it pisses me off. I clean all the time. I hate dirt & clutter. I think I have a bit of OCD.
2. Candles. I love them! I bet I have 10 sitting around right now & yes I will burn them all at once. Drives Jake nuts. He says there are just too many damn scents in the house. What does he know!
3. Fountain soda. I normally don't drink soda at all, or any type of caffeine but I love fountain soda & drink was drinking 1 every day from the gas station. I have since stopped because I know caffeine is not good for me in my current situation. =)
4. My doggies! I could sit and talk about them for hours. Seriously.. if I think of something they did I will start telling the story and before I know it like 15 min have gone by. I bet my coworkers think I'm one of those weird dog ladies. Maybe I am? I need a child for Christ sake!
5. My Zune. I'm really hoping for a docking station for Christmas because I will seriously walk around the house w/my head phone on listening to it w/my cell on vibrate in my pocket in case someone calls. I'm such a looser.
I award this award to.... Jen, Christina, To a T, Misty Dawn, Sherry--- Sorry not smart enough to make links to these names. You know who you are!
Now for some randoms....
First of all Merry Christmas everyone! Honestly I'm so glad its here so it will soon be over. Christmas just isn't what it used to be. Tonight we are going to Jake's mom & dads. We used to go to his grandma's but since she passed in June the tradition has changed. I'm sure this will be a hard day for his family. Tomorrow we go to my mom's for a lunch dealyo. Her BF will be there. Joy. Talk about weirdness. Its so weird having Christmas w/out my dad let alone some strange guy at my house loving on my mom that is the same age as my brother! I swear we need to be on Jerry Springer. Sometimes I just want to kick this guy in the nads. Gives me the creeps. Mom had someone look at her house again last night. Apparently she is wanting to sell it and move to her BF's house. Selfish of me maybe but I just don't want her to. We moved into that house when I was 3. All of my memories are there. When I'm there I feel like my dad's there too. If she moves her new house w/BF will never be like "home" to me. Ah well. I have my own home now I guess. Oh the baby makin front. This TWW is killing me already! WHY did my RE have to make me take that extra shot of HCG damn it! It totally sucks that I have to wait even longer to test! I sure hope its worth it! Welp that's pretty much all I've got. I better get to getting ready. Later ladies!

Monday, December 22, 2008

Why so many?

I've had a few people ask me why I transferred so many embryo's and I'm going to explain why. My embryo's were perfect yes, my lining was perfect yes, there is no other known problems as to why even one embryo would not stick. My reason for transfering 3 was simply because of the statistics w/my RE's office. They are as follows.... (to the best of my knowlegdge anyway)

Out of 73 patients that transfered 3 embryo's only 47% ended up in pregnancy, 35% had a live birth. Meaning 10% miscarried. Out of those pregnancy's 0% was triplets and only 12% was twins.

Out of 73 patients that transferred 2 embryo's only 12% ended in a pregnancy, 0% w/twins.

Out of 73 patients that transferred 1 embryo 0% ended in pregnancy.

This statistics are what I remember of them telling me.... they may not be perfectly accurate & I have no idea how old those 73 patients were nor what was wrong w/them to begin with. Jake & I decided to take our chances and transfer the 3 because we had the best chance at becoming pregnant and the odds for multiples were rather small. We very well could be the couple that ends up in triplets (RE's office said they get a set of triplets about once a year) and we could very well end up in twins. On the other hand we could end up w/a BFN. Thank you all for your comments & all of your concerns. We will be needing all the prayers we can get! You are all so great!

Sunday, December 21, 2008

I'm PUPO!!!!

I just got back from my ET. Everything went great & I hardly felt a thing. We transferred 3 Grade 1 embryo's which they said pretty much meant they are perfect! We froze the remaining 8. Looks like the 11th one we thought we lost caught up over night. The 8 that we froze were all Grade 1 or 2. I'm supposed to say off my feet for the rest of the day & tomorrow so I will check in w/you all later on. Thank you ladies!! My BPT is Jan 5th.- A little later than normal because I have to take 1/2 CC of HCG tomorrow for added uterine support so we have to wait until that is out of my system. HOLY CRAP!!!!

Saturday, December 20, 2008

update

ET is set for 8:30AM tomorrow morning! We have 7 4 cell embryo's, 1 3 cell embryo & 2 2 cell embryo's. I don't really know what that means but they said it was great! Looks like we only lost 1 of the 11 fertilized eggs. Wish me luck for tomorrow! I will update when I can about how it went & how many we transferred. Thanks again ladies!

Friday, December 19, 2008

I have 11 bambino's!

The RE just called and out of the 15 egg's 11 fertilized! I'm so happy and super excited! I can't wait for Sunday! They will be calling me again tomorrow morning to let me know how the 11 are doing and exactly when they want me to come in on Sunday. I really dont think I have been this happy in a LONG time!

Thursday, December 18, 2008

ER complete!

Hey ladies! I am finally somewhat up and about after my ER this morning. It went a lot better than I thought it was going to. The pain was minimal but I still have some cramping. Almost like the cramping after my Lap. About 45min after the ER they made me sit up to start getting ready to leave & I almost passed out. They then made me eat a few crackers and than I was fine. The ride home was fine... I dosed off for the most part. Once we got back into town (RE is 2hrs away) I wanted a Frutista from Taco Bell. I thought.... its fruit it will be good to eat that. Boy was I wrong. I took about 2 sips and puked all over myself, the jeep and even got a little on Jake. Poor guy. He was so good about it. Luckily we were only about 5 min away from home I got changed while he cleaned my puke out of the jeep. Then he ate his lunch. Hehe. Nothing bothers him. I've been sleeping on and off pretty much all day. You may be wondering how many eggs were extracted. Well there were 15! All were matured so they ICSI all 15 so I should find out tomorrow how many fertilized. ET is set for Sunday. I am so stickin excited! There is still a chance I will get a BFP in 2008! I will check out everyone's posts tomorrow. I started my vacation today ( I go back for 1/2 day on Xmas Eve) so I should have plenty of time to catch up w/everyone. For now I'm going to go lay back down on the couch. Thank you all so very very much for all of your support!

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Tag & update

First for the update.... I had yet another RE appt for b/w and us this morning. Everything looked great! My RE is so happy w/how things are turning out. I trigger tonight & I'm scheduled for my ER Thursday at 7:15AM!!! I'm so excited & nervous all at the same time! My vacation starts Thursday so I'm happy about that too. *wink*

I've been tagged by Margilina!

Here are the rules:
1. Link to the person who tagged you.
2. Share 7 random and/or weird facts about you.
3. Tag 7 random people at the end, and include links to their blog

~Random facts about me~
1. I hate spiders. I think they are evil little critters and should all die!
2. My favorite TV show is House. Can't wait to watch it tonight!
3. I got kicked out of a Marilyn Manson concert back in the day... pretty hard to do that huh?
4. I hate meat in big chunks. I could never just eat a big hunk of meat. Maybe a little skinny hamburger or something but never a steak or anything like that.
5. I have 2 dogs & 1 cat (he lives w/my mom). My animals are like my children. I seriously think I would take a bullet for them.
6. I'm addicted to lip gloss. I constantly put it on.
7. I'm a really crappy cooker. I make a huge mess & can never follow the directions.

I'm tagging everyone! I think everyone's blog that I read has gotten this already!

Monday, December 15, 2008

I'm getting there...

Today's measurements were around 1.70-1.60. I'm continuing my dosage tonight & I go back in the morning. Looks like Trigger will be tomorrow night w/retrieval Thursday! I can't wait. My ovaries feel like they are going to explode, my head hurts & I'm extremely tired. My RE is afraid of over stimulation so I will be taking something for that too. Yikes!

Saturday, December 13, 2008

Quick update

I only have a minute so this will be quick. Went to the RE this morning... keeping the same dosage & going back Monday. He said things are looking great. My lining is good... my Follies were measuring about 1.20-1.40 and I had about 10+ of them. He just had a big smile on his face the whole time he was measuring. Yippy! Sounds like I MAY be triggering Monday night & ER on Wed? Thats my guess. I will update Monday. Have a good weekend guys!

Thursday, December 11, 2008

The latest

First off I will say OMG I have been sick the last 2 days! Vomiting and all. Ugh. I don't know if its the flu or the doxycyclin that I've been on or what. My RE said I didn't have to take the doxycyclin anymore as he will put me on antibiotics the day of ER. Thank you good sir. I feel a lot better today. I had another RE appt this morning for u/s and blood work. I'm wanting to say I had somewhere around 10 follies between .97 & 1.12. He said he was happy w/the number & size but they are growing a bit slow. Tonight I'll be taking 1amp of Menopur & begin taking Ganirelix. Keeping my 75IU of Follistim in the AM. I go back on Saturday for more u/s & b/w. They are guessing ER on Wednesday or Thursday of next week. That seems so far away! I will update again Saturday and let you all know what is going on!

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

RE update

I had an RE appt this morning on day 4 of stims. Everything is looking good. I have 8 follies on the right which he said was a good number. The left ovary isn't doing much, as usual. I will be going back for more b/w & u/s on Thursday morning & will most likely start Ganirelix/Cetrotide then. I'm keeping the same dosage of Follistim & Menopur for now anyway. My head aches are still lingering. Plus the damn Doxycycline has been making me really sick to my stomach in the mornings. I know its because I don't eat before I take it but... it takes me a while before I'm ready for breakfast. I'm going to make myself eat tomorrow morning. I hate feeling like I'm going to barf. I'm starting to feel a bit uncomfortable around my ovaries... just like ovulation pains. I know its from all those follies growing. Its a good pain for that reason! We also went over Jake's SA they said everything looked good except he does have a low count... 15mil I believe is what they said. I guess it doesn't matter anymore though. We signed our paper to freeze our left over embies, if we have any of good quality after transfer. There's about $600 that INS doesn't cover. Crap. $ is the devil I tell you!

On a different note my little Ellie dog has some kind of red rash on her back by her butt. Looks like we may be making a trip to the Vet. She keeps biting at it. Poor thing. I have no idea what it could be. Maybe just a hot spot rash? Hopefully nothing bit her. She gets so sick so easily I just hope its nothing. I will update on that after I talk to the Vet when they open (they open late on Tuesdays). Anywho... that's all I've got for now. Hope everyone is doing good. Any ones done w/their Christmas shopping? I am! It feels so good to have that done!

Sunday, December 7, 2008

Day 2 of stims.

I started stims yesterday! Yeah! Time seems to be flying by. This is something I've been looking forward to for months and the time has finally come for everything to start. Yesterday I started 75IU of Follistim (AM) and 2 amp's of Menopur (PM). Everything seems to be going well. Other than my massive headaches. I got headaches w/Follistim last time so I guess I'll just have to deal w/it. AF hasn't been to horrible to me. In fact I only had minimal cramps. This week will be super busy for me. Between taking all of these med's, driving 2 hours for my U/S and getting ready for Christmas (I'm almost done!) I'm not going to have time for shit! A friend of Jake's & his wife are coming from Indy for a quick visit & will be staying w/us Saturday night. I'm looking forward to it but yet I kinda hope they call and cancel. I just have a feeling that by this time next week I'm going to be so damn hormonal and will hate having house guests. Not to mention that they will be here during all my shots. Jake has told him a little bit of what is going on but I guess the secret will be out once they witness everything for themselves. I'm okay w/it though. I have nothing to hide. Hopefully we don't have an RE appt on Saturday since its 2 damn hours away! Then driving home only to have house guests arrive a few hours later. Not my idea of a good time. I'm one of those people that have to have everything perfect before someone comes over or I'm constantly worrying about it. I'm a bit of a neat freak. Anywho I better get going. I've been shampooing carpets today. Ugh... that's a nasty job. I have an RE appt Tuesday for b/w & and u/s. I will update and let you all know how it goes.

Thursday, December 4, 2008

Yippy skippity

Meds have arrived! I got a ginormous box sent FedEx to work.. yeah now everyone knows! I ran it home to get it in the fridge plus I wanted to check out my new supply of drugs & needles. There was all kinds of goodies in there. I wont name them all because it could take all night. I cant wait to start taking them on Saturday! AF arrived today just I suspected. Damn AF. I hope to dear god I don't see her again for 9 long healthy months. That's really all I've got tonight. I'm super tired & need to start making dinner. Will update more as they come up!

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Back from RE update

Hey ladies! Thank you for all of your comments below. They really mean a lot to me. I'm so lucky to have so many great ladies rooting for me! You all deserve that BFP too and I hope we all get it soon! Here are my IVF instructions....

1. Take last BCP tonight 12/02. May or may not start AF. ~I'm sure I wont get lucky enough to NOT start it.
2. Begin baby aspirin on Saturday 12/06.
3. Jake & I are to begin Doxycycline 100mg AM & PM for 10 days starting Saturday 12/06. ~I just saw this... the nurse didn't say anything about this but it is on my instruction sheet. I will be calling them in a few to ask about this one. (My IVF nurse is on vaca this week. I didn't think this other lady was too educated.. plus my arm is killing me from my bw this morning. Weird. It never hurts.)
4. Starting Saturday 12/06... Follistim 75 IU in the AM & Menopur 2amps in the PM.
5. Return appt for u/s and estradiol bw next Tuesday 12/09.
6. I will be instructed when to begin Ganirelix/Cetrotide. They say its usually started on day 5 or 6 of stimulation in the evening and continued through the day of HCG.

Everything looked great. My lining was a bit thin but my RE said he wasn't concerned as the BCP's can cause this seeing as though I spot on them like crazy. He measured my uterus w/a catheter type thingy.... hurt like hell. He says he does that so he know exactly where to place the embies. Works for me! Cant friggin wait! I will update on the SA when I get the results back on that. Hopefully everything is good on that end too.

Again I'm so sorry I haven't been around much lately. I feel like I'm able to check my blog & place comments a lot more than webMD. It's hard to keep up w/it all. Hopefully things will slow down a bit for me and I can get back into the swing of things. I hope everyone is doing well!

Monday, December 1, 2008

Movin` right along!

I haven't posted a about a week so I thought I'd write a quick update for ya's.

TTC News~
I have an RE appt tomorrow morning for b/w & u/s and some more training on the different shots I will be taking for my IVF. Jake has to get a strict SA to be frozen afterwords. I'm so excited! Tuesday will be my last BCP so AF should be here Thursdayish and I start stims Saturday! Cant friggin wait. I'm like a kid on Christmas! I will update tomorrow on how everything went.

Other ramblings that no one really cares about~
After my RE appt tomorrow I get to do a bit of Christmas shopping. I've gotten a few things bought but not quite enough. I told Jake we HAVE to get all of our shopping done before my ER & ET because I plan to be laying my ass in bed for a least a few days after ET. Hopefully I will find a good book tomorrow so I have something to read during those few days. I'm taking vacation the week of Dec 15Th (ER & ET should be that week). I'm so excited. I just need a break from work regardless. Even if it is laying in bed doing nothing. The doing NOTHING part is what I can't wait for. This Saturday we are going to a town about 30min away w/Jake's parents, his bro & his kids to a Mexican restaurant and then to look at a Christmas light display in a park there that is supposedly pretty cool. Over the weekend we hosted a game night" w/some friends that were home from Chicago & Evansville so that was nice. We all had a good time & drank a bit too much. It was nice to just get to be around everyone and laugh. No one said anything stupid to me which was a definite +. On the budgeting from a few posts back.... I ordered the Dave Ramsey book & work book. Should be in any day. I'm anxious to start that too. Hopefully I can make it work for us!

Well that got a bit too long. I need to get going and get some stuff done around the house. Will post again tomorrow!

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Thanksgiving Thankful's

I know I wont have time tomorrow night to write what I am thankful for this Thanksgiving so I thought I would just get it done tonight while I have a moment before cooking dinner. Ack.

~Thankfulness in 2008~

1. My husband
2. My family (Mom, brother, yada, yada...)
3. My doggies! I don't know where I'd be w/out them. They ARE my children
4. My house and everything in it
5. My job, even if I don't always like it
6. Being alive, even though I don't always want to be
7. Medical insurance.... I know what your thinking "WHAT this chick is nuts." I actually have pretty decent insurance & am not paying a dime for my IVF which kicks some major ass!
8. My friends, the few that I can call my "true" friend
9. My health, even if I have been screwed by the IF monkey I am in good health otherwise.
10. My dreams. The ones I have in my sleep, that is the only time I can see my dad & I love them.

Sunday, November 23, 2008

Budgeting

I've finally made out a budget & I plan to stick to it. We really need to save some serious cash as we have been plowing through it like its nothing lately. I don't know where it goes. I haven't been buying anything out of the ordinary really but every week I seem to be spending more than I deposited. No my account isn't becoming overdrawn but slowly I am depleting my account to the point where there ~will~ be nothing left if I let these habits continue. I'm wanting to save some money in case my IVF doesn't work in December, that way I will have the money to jump right in and try again. I want to save because if I do get pregnant off IVF #1 I want to have some money saved up for the baby, maternity leave, and just unexpected things that ~could~ come up. I made out this budget Tuesday and I thought I was doing really good. Well I have already went over $75 from what I deposited on FRIDAY. 3 damn days! How did that happen? Here's what I've bought...
  • Yankee candle I got the Christmas Cookie. I get one every year. Love em!
  • Groceries
  • Jake got a few new pairs of jeans & a t-shirt for work (From walmart I might add, not expensive)
  • Spent about $50 going out to eat. That right there is $20 more than I said I would spend going to eat in a given week.
  • 2 boxes of outdoor Christmas lights. Okay that was $20 but we had 2 strands that died last year and needed to replace them before we put them out next weekend.
  • Electric bill
  • Water bill

That was IT! Really did I buy anything "unnecessary" besides the candle? I seriously don't think so. I didn't even go over board on the groceries. Fuck. Please tell me... do any of you go by a budget? How do you do it? And ideas for me? How much do you spend on groceries? Do you cook at home every night or do you eat out a few times a week? Are you a coupon user? If so where do you get them?

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Pictures of Jeep & house

Here are a few pictures I took really quick of my new Jeep & of the house. They aren't the best quality but I tried! I also wanted to put one on here of my new pillows & sconces in my living room. I think it looks so purdy!








Monday, November 17, 2008

IVF Protocol & randomness

IVF Protocol
  • Start BCP's tonight- December 2nd
  • December 2nd RE appt for U/S, mock transfer, whatever that is, and to go over the shots again as I will be taking some different drugs besides Follistim.
  • Start stim's December 6th
  • December 9- U/S w/frequent U/S that whole week
  • Week of December 15th- ER & ET! I plan to take vacation that week so I can relax & let my little embies get snuggled in.

Holy shit I can't believe this is actually happening! I think I'm finally starting to get excited about it & not so pissed that I ~have~ to go this route. Not that this route is bad because its not. I'm just upset that I cant just be one of the lucky ones that gets preggo the old fashioned way. All though I have to say, its been nice not to have to BD anymore ;).

Randomness

  • The water & sewer dept. came and cleaned out the man hole in the backyard. Man hole.. that's what they called it. I guess it's not our problem & if it happens again we are supposed to call them & they will fix it again. Too bad I have to be the one to have the "man hole" in my damn yard.
  • I feel like absolute crap. My muscles ache. All of them... my legs, back, neck, arms, ribs. I sure hope I'm not getting sick.
  • I have the day off tomorrow! Yippy! I plan to be quite lazy. I do have to clean house and give Ellie a bath but other than that... I think I'll be watching lifetime & surfing the net.
  • Did I say I got a new Jeep? I love it! I'm so glad we got it. I will have to take a picture of it & put it on here for you guys.
  • I'm going to put my Christmas tree up this weekend. I know, I know I'm a loser. I always put it up early. I just can't wait. I love decorating for Christmas. I wont do the outside the weekend after Thanksgiving.

I think that's all I've got. Have a fantabulous week ladies!

Sunday, November 16, 2008

What a lovely weekend...

NOT! Remember saying that back in the 80's? I'm a dork & I still say it all the time. This has been a pretty shitty weekend. Imagine that. Like I'd have something positive to write about. Once again this is going to be a poor me, I'm pissed off at the world kinda post. I'll start off w/Saturday.

Saturday started off being a pretty darn good day. Work was good, no one pissed me off. I had a nice lunch w/my Aunt from Cali, well that is until she dropped a bomb on me that my cousin was raped at a party over the summer. I feel so bad for her. What do I say? Do I not say anything at all? My little cousin is the funniest, easy going, ditsy blond just like me. I love her to death! I would love to find this guy and kick the shit out of him. I guess there was bruising and tearing but the police weren't going to do anything about it because the guy says it was consensual. Whatever. Apparently my cousin had blacked out and woke up w/the guy on top of her. Sounds to me like she was drugged. Poor girl. She's being going to counseling. I hope that helps her move on.
After lunch w/my aunt I went home, did some cleaning & then got ready to go out to eat & go bowling w/some co workers. The diner was good. Bowling was alright... I of course was the worst bowler. I suck at everything. No one wanted to be on my team. Jake ended up drinking WAY to much and made a fool out of himself & me. Great. We went home, I went to bed & made Jake stay on the couch as I was pissed off at him. I woke up at 4AM to him in the bath room w/the hick ups. I walked in there & he tells me hes been up for hours w/them (he was really drunk) and told him I was glad & went back to bed. I couldn't fall asleep of course. About 15min later & hear him throwing up. I had a big smile plastered on my face. "That's what he gets" I thought. He didn't hick up anymore after that.
Sunday is usually a day of relaxation & grocery shopping for me. Welp I woke up around 7 w/horrible cramps. AF has arrived. I'm glad she is here because I want to start my BCP and get on w/it already. For Pete's sake though... WHY ARE MY CRAMPS SO BAD? All my endo is gone. WTF? I've seriously been in bed all day w/the heating bad on. No TV or anything. Just laying there about to hurt someone. I went into the kitchen to get some more Tylenol and its all gone. Jake took that last of it for his hangover. What a dick! I told his ass to go get me some more & that it was just plain mean of him to do that to me when he KNOWS I'm in pain. He went and got me some Advil & tampons. Thanks hunny.
Not only did I wake up to cramps today but also "craps" Literally. Not mine, not Jake's. We don't know who's but our back yard is having a sewer backup. We are having no problems at our house so I'm hoping to dear god that its not our problem. I'm just hoping that the line is on our property & its the city's problems. Jake is going to call the water & sewer department in the morning. So now we are having to take the dogs in the front yard on leashes to pee. Good lord. Apparently the whole back yard smells like shit & there is even TP in the water. I'm not going to be checking that crap out. No pun intended! Maybe, just maybe my luck will turn around. Ya think? God I wonder how much a new sewer line will cost us? Fuck. I'm going to have to get a 2nd job or something. Wouldn't you know it, something like this would happen right after I get a new car & decide to make a strict budget so we can start saving some $. Saving money. Ha. Like that's going to happen!

Friday, November 14, 2008

Official Failure

My BPT was a BFN so its official. I have failed once again. I am really upset about it. I've stopped the progesterone suppositories and am now just waiting on good ol` AF to come and torture the living crap out of me. I assume she will be here in a few days. After AF starts I will begin BCP's for suppression before IVF. I can't believe that in just a few short weeks I will be starting follistim again for IVF. Totally blows my mind. I'm so scared of IVF. Not IVF itself but the fear of it not working. Then what? What if it never works? Here's to hoping for my Christmas/New Year miracle!

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Thats a negative

Well I POAS this morning. It was a BFN. I'm only 10DPO so I'm not going to start crying about it. ~Yet~. Jake hid the tests from me in his underwear drawer. I found them and just put them back. I'm not going to tell him. I know BFN's are hard on him too. I will POAS again Thursday & I have my BPT Friday. Hopefully I'll have some better news in a few days! Thanks for all the good lucks ladies!

Monday, November 10, 2008

The Perfect Day

I had such an awesome day today! I was off work which is always awesome plus I went out of town shopping w/my MIL. I found such great bargans and had such a nice time not worrying about ~anything~.

I bought-
  • New pillows for my couch & over sized chair
  • Sconces & candles to go beside a picture that is above my couch
  • A new coat (actually a X-mas present from my mom)
  • A few new work shirts + a fun shirt to wear w/jeans w/matching jewelry!
  • A purse for my MIL for X-Mas

Oh happy day. I found everything on my list that I was looking for and got ~most~ of it on sale. We ate at Panera, my favorite! Then I get home and Jake has an awesome surprise for me... We are most likely getting a new Jeep Wednesday! I'm so excited. I love my Jeep that I have now but this one is 2 years younger and only has 20,000 miles! Its a 2006 and its Dark Caramel. I love it! I actually saw it the other day at the deal shop that we got our current Jeep and had Jake drive by it Saturday night. He said he liked it too but I really didn't think he would actually go in and talk to the guy about it. The dealer said he would pay off what we owe on our Jeep which is way more than what he would normally give us for a trade in. Jake called the bank and our interest rate will be 1% lower so in the end our payments would only be $20 more a month than what they are right now. Sounds too good to be true huh? Anywho... I hope my luck continues through out the next few days. I might POAS tomorrow. I'm going to try and talk myself out of it though. Wish me luck!

Saturday, November 8, 2008

And the award goes to...


Jenny gave me the award of "I love your blog". I personally think my blog is pretty boring but thank you so much! Jenny is an incredibly strong woman & I am so glad I've to got "know" her!

Here are the Rules:
1. The winner can put the logo on his/her blog.
2. Link the person from whom you received your award.
3. Nominate at least seven other blogs
4. Put links of those blogs on yours, and
5. Leave a message on the blogs that you've nominated!
  • I'm awarding the I Love Your Blog award to...
  • These girls are just plain awesome! They are always here to send me kind words & keep their fingers crossed for me. You have no idea how much I appreciate each & every one of you!

Weekend randomness

I have a few minutes so I thought I would do a quick little post because I know my life is just so frigging interesting that everyone wants to read about it! Nah, actually I'm just a little board and in the mood to get in touch w/my thoughts.
  • Had a horrible night last night. Going back to yesterday's post. I've just been feeling really sad and sorry for myself. I know I just need to get over that, move on, & look for the best & realize that no matter what happens I AM lucky. I have a lot to be thankful for yet I cant shake my sadness. I had the day off yesterday which was AWESOME so I rented a few movies. I watch P.S. I Love You and bawled through the whole damn thing. Great movie but very sad. Don't watch it during a poor me pitty party because it will ruin your whole night. After that Jake & I made burgers on the grill (sucked by the way) and than watched the movie Strangers. Good movie too, pretty creepy but I like that. All in all yesterday was a decent day other than my crying episodes.
  • Work- Ack. I got a call last night that ____ the new accounts lady went home sick and wouldn't be in today. Fuck. I knew today was going to suck. I ended up opening 10 damn accounts (not my job so I don't like doing this) plus waiting on customers doing their normal transactions. I'm off Monday. Thank god. I need a damn vacation. I'll be amazed if I can make it through the whole day Monday w/out getting a call.
  • Today was my cousins wedding. The one that gave me a bunch of shit about IVF. Obviously I didn't go as it was in Minnesota & here I am at home. I still haven't bought her a card. Not sure if I will. I'm still extremely pissed off at her.
  • Went to a craft show w/my mom after work today. Surprising as we don't do much together anymore. She bought me a new purse. Its so cute! Its brown leather cow print. Other than that I didn't buy shit. They had 1/2 the stands this year as they normally do. I was pretty disappointed.
  • Jake & I are going out to dinner tonight. I can't wait. I love to just sit down together and stuff my face. Its the only time I feel like I can truly relax. I am extremely worried all the time. I told Jake last night I need to have medical marijuana prescribed for me to calm my nerves. I guess that only works for cancer & glaucoma though huh? Haha. No, no I haven't done that in years. That stuff was fun in high school but I've grown out of that stage.
  • On the TTC front- I'm 7DPO and antsy as hell! I bought some FRER tests and I just wanna pee on one! I know I'm setting myself up for disappointment but... I'm really, really, really wanting & needing this to be it. My heart cant take much more of this. I asked Jake if he thought this was it. He said yes because if it wasn't he was going to loose his mind. I agreed so we definitely have all crossables crossed!

I think that's it. I better hop on in the shower & get ready for my wonderful evening w/the hubbie. Um... what shall I have. Everything sounds tasty right now!

Friday, November 7, 2008

Give me a flippin break already!

I'm going to have a bit of a vent about a few things. Either all of these hormones are getting to me or these are legitimate things for me to be pissed off about. I have the day off today. Thank god! Hopefully I can just have some fun by myself today! I'm just so stinking depressed that I could cry at any moment. Ugh... I just want some good news, any news.

1) Vent- Jake's dad can be the biggest tight ass! Of course he will buy himself anything he wants. Jake's parents have it all, a big ass house, motor home, pool, awesome deck, the perfect decorations in the house, tons of cloths, nice ass cars... blah blah blah my list could go on. I'm not jealous of what they have but when Jake works for his dad you would think he would pay him for being gone for my IUI's! Its not like his dad is hurting for money by any means. Jake missing one day of work is a lot to us. Especially right now. For exp: I got our invoices from the Hospital about our HIV tests (My RE requires this before starting IVF, they were negative! Duh) and those suckers cost $429.00 EACH! Good lord almighty. I know my ins. will cover it but I don't know about Jake's. I seriously wonder if his dad thinks Jake likes to drive 2 hours one direction to see the RE. Like he likes getting out of work for it or something! He has no idea how much we hate it! We don't want to be there. If I were fertile like the rest of the family I would have had our baby 6 months ago. I bet when/if I do have a baby he doesn't even pay him for being gone that day. Jake gets no vacation time, sick or personal days. I think its ridiculous. Jake works his ass off trying to please that man and Jake is an awesome carpenter I must say. Of course he doesn't get the credit he deserves either. Don't get me wrong. I love my in-laws and I'm not asking for a hand out but I just think its wrong to deprive your own son of his pay because he has to be gone for IF treatments. Plain ridiculous in my eyes. Your thoughts?

2) Vent- My boss. Male. Chauvinist. Pig. I cant do anything to please him! I'm so sick of it and I want to tell him but I also don't want to loose my job. Let me explain the latest story... I work at a bank as a head teller if you didn't already know that. Well.... we have 2 new account reps 1 of which is on vacation so we have been helping out w/new accounts on the teller line as much as we can. Hello we have other customers to serve too. Well last night a customer wants to open a CD. The new accounts lady is w/someone but is finishing up so I asked him to have a seat. I'd make him a cup of coffee and _____ would be right w/him. So he sits down... no big deal. I went off to balance the vault and so on as this was 15min till balancing time. I didn't have time to open his account at that time anyway. Well apparently he had to wait all of 5 min so he left and called my boss saying that I was nice and all but I didn't offer to open the account. OH. MY. GOD. Are you fucking kidding me? This intern gets me a nice email that I did everything right other than open the account up. Okay... so I told him it was balancing time and ____ was almost done w/the account & I did not see him leave. He tells me balancing should have waited as this customer had a lot of $ to deposit. Okay like I knew that & like that matters. What about the person wanting to open a $25 account? They would have had to wait too. Anyway.... the guy comes back in as I'm locking the doors no less. So I open his fucking CD. $95,000.00 Holy crap. Of course its people like him that call and bitch. I'd played all nicey nice w/him but I could tell he was a going to be an ass no matter what I said. I emailed my boss AGAIN and told him that it was HIS words "If _____ is waiting on someone and no one else is waiting for her & someone wants to open an acct. let them wait. You have to wait everywhere else. Just offer them a cup of coffee or something." Which is exactly what I did yet I get bitched at. I told him I did nothing wrong & I'm sorry but that is what he told us to do. I then when home fighting tears the whole way because I just feel like I can do anything right for him. I feel sorry for his wife.

Okay vent over. I really need to get cleaning plus I have like 50 million errands to run today. I hope you all have a good weekend! Sorry to be such a downer. I'm just pissed at the world I guess.

Saturday, November 1, 2008

IUI #6 & 7 complete!

Well I have officially completed my final IUI's! Everything went well. Jake count was very good yesterday. He had 50+% motility and the count was something like 23mil. My RE was very surprised & pleased as last time we did IUI's his count was terrible. Today's #'s weren't as good. The motility was 40+% motility which was good but the count was 7mil. not so good. My RE was glad that we did 2 IUI's and I have 3 big follies this cycle. He seemed very happy which makes me very happy. I will begin taking progesterone suppositories (ugh) on Monday, Progesterone B/W on Friday and BPT the following Friday. Please wish me luck! This is our last cycle before IVF in December.

~Come on spermies make it to the eggies!~

Monday, October 27, 2008

31 Things & Update

I'll start w/my little update. I had another U/S this morning. Things have progressed really well. I have one follie that is measuring at a 1.5 (they like to see 1.8) and 2 others that are following right behind that one & lots of other little ones. I have anther u/s tomorrow w/more bloodwork. I have my fingers crossed that I get HCG tomorrow and have my IUI's Wed & Thursday. My dosage of follistim is the same... 75IU. Follistim has been working pretty good for me. I have to say my tummy is getting a little tender though. The nurse had quite the time getting blood from me today.. seems as though my veins are tired of giving so much blood lately! I will have to switch arms for tomorrow.

1. Where is your cell phone? in my purse
2. Where is your significant other? Sitting in the other room jabbering to me.
3. Your hair color? Blonde
4. Your mother? Elaine...Probably at home
5. Your father? Bill... In heaven
6. Your favorite thing? My doggies and sleeping in!
7. Your dream last night? I donno
8. Your dream/goal? To be a mommy
9. The room you're in? Computer room/office
10. Your hobby? Watching tv
11. Your fear? Not becoming a mommy
12. Where do you want to be in six years? anywhere as long as I'm happy
13. Where were you last night? home
14. What you’re not doing? Folding towels
15. One of your wish list items? New end tables. I have glass & they suck!
16. Where you grew up? Good Ol Effingham... still there
17. The last thing you did? Ate dinner. Quizno's soup & sandwich. Yummy
18. What are you wearing? Black dress pants & a black and white polka dot shirt
19. Your TV? 40" Samsung HD LCD
20. Your pet? Ellie & Bree- Dogs, Toby- Cat that lives at my mom's
21. Your computer? Dell
22. Your mood? neutral, tired
23. Missing someone? My dad
24. Your car? Jeep Grand Cherrokee Larado
25. Something you’re not wearing? A necklace
26. Favorite store? American Eagle & Maurices
27. Your summer? B-O-R-I-N-G
28. Love someone? yep
29. Your favorite color? PINK
30. When is the last time you laughed? A little bit ago when Ellie burped
31. Last time you cried? Friday night I think

Friday, October 24, 2008

Back from Appt.

I had my follow you U/S for CD 6 w/follistim. Everything looked good. Not progressing to fast nor too slow. I'm keeping the same dosage of 75IU. I go back on Monday. The shots aren't bad at all. They do sting a bit when the liquid goes it but thats about it. Today was horribly disgusting. My left armpit keeps sweating profusily... only the left. Weird. I applied deodorant 3 times!

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

CD3- Update

I just got back from my CD3 U/S and IVF consult. Everything went great! I start Follistim Injects tonight. 75UI. I cant freaking wait! I never thought I'd be so excited to give myself shots. The plan is to do follistim for 8-10 days than HCG & 2 IUI's. Hopefully this will be my cycle! If not... after AF starts I will be taking BCP for 2-3 weeks and than start my IVF meds. We are scheduld for Dec. Things are looking up! Hope everyone is doing well!

Next RE U/S appt is Friday AM. I will update Friday evening!

Sunday, October 19, 2008

On to cycle 15

Af has officially found me today. I started spotting yesterday at 13DPO, AF came today at 14DPO... 1 day earlier than normal. I knew she was coming because I was getting BFN's but still... I have to say I was really sad to see her show. So far I haven't had any cramps at all which is awesome. Hopefully it stays this way. I have an RE appt Tuesday for my CD3 u/s and IVF consult. I'm really looking forward to it. I'm so ready to get to stabbing myself in the stomach! I know, I'm sick! The damned follistim has been sitting in my fridge for months just aching to be used! Finally I will be able to put them to use. I'm scared to death of follistim though. I've heard so many horror stories about being completely hormonally crazy. Please tell me there lies! All lies! My depressed mood has advanced a bit as I had a major breakdown Friday night w/Jake. When I was at work Friday I heard a couple of the girls whispering and I'm pretty sure it was about one of them being pregnant. This girl is 22, already has one kid and cant afford him. I thought I was going to throw up. I tired to just go about my business but all I wanted to do was go home and feel sorry for myself. Then it got me thinking... I have 2 friends that are currently trying to get pregnant and its just a matter of time before they tell me they are expecting. Although I will be happy for them it will be a stab in my heart to hear. I have been trying for a year and a half and damn it I think its my turn! I've done everything I'm supposed to do. Why isn't it happening for us? This was my thinking Friday night as I cried myself to sleep and even made Jake start crying too. He even said this was the worst year of his life and he will never forget it, even when we do have children. This surprised the crap out of me. I feel the same way but I guess I just don't give him enough credit for his feelings. I really need to work on that.

On a better note. Jake and I went to visit some friends in Indiana last night and spent the night up there. I got to do some shopping, went out to eat, had a few drinks and even went to a haunted house! It was pretty cool. It was actually at an old Insane Asylum which made it even more freaky. We had a good time but I'm glad to be home. I always enjoy getting away for the weekend but at the same time I just cant wait to get home. Welp, I better get going. I have some house cleaning to do. I will try and catch up on everyone in a bit! Sorry I've been MIA lately.

Thursday, October 16, 2008

Sadness & Anger

I'm starting to get very sad and angry about TTC. When I first started and knew there was trouble it was the big pregnant bellies that I was jealous of, maybe at the time what I really wanted was to be pregnant. Now its the bellies, the babies and children of any age. I hate hearing people talk about their kids &/or pregnancy's. I know this is normal but baby fever is really taking a toll on me. I'm 11DPO today and POAS this morning. BFN of course, like I'd expect any thing different. I am pretty bummed about it though. I was hoping I'd be one of the lucky ones that got pregnant after their lap. I never get that lucky though. I never get lucky period. Actually I have pretty bad luck on most things. Anyway I'm just down in the dumps right now. I'm looking forward to my next IUI w/injects & then IVF in December but at the same time I'm so scared of IVF because of the fear of getting a BFN in the end. I just don't see an end in all this right now...

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Today is....

National Pregnancy & Infant loss day. Please light a candle at 7:00-8:00p.m (your time) so we have a continuous wave of light. This day is to remember all babies that were lost due to miscarriags, SIDS or still births. Keep these babies and their family's in your prayers.

Sunday, October 12, 2008

Sunday ramblings

Well I'm a bit bored so I thought I would write a little post about a bunch of nonsense that no one really cares about.

I actually have a 3 day weekend this week! Ugh I have been looking forward to it for weeks. It seems like every holiday we have I end up having to work Saturday so I never actually get the 3 day weekend. Not this time bitches! I purposely scheduled myself off because I thought I deserved it! Friday night Jake & I went to a little BBQ deal for work. It was pretty fun. I love the people I work with. They are all nuts & love to drink. Jake of course embarrassed me as usual. I swear I can't take him anywhere. He has actually told my boss a sex story about us almost getting caught by my parents in high school. I almost killed him! Its just stuff like that... he thinks its funny & so does everyone else but... I work w/these people and I'm a supervisor. I don't want him saying this crap to people that shouldn't hear it. Ah well... all in all it was a good time & Jake lived to see Saturday. Yesterday we didn't do crap. I cleaned house and then started feeling like shit so spent the rest of the day watching Lifetime movies. Jake went to the neighbors and sat around a fire. It sounded like fun but like I said I felt like crap. We just got back from grocery shopping and just messing around before we go to Jake's parents for a cookout tonight. Ugh.. I really don't want to go. I just want to rent a movie or something. I'm just in a blah mood. Plus Jake's bro & kids will be there and everyone will be oooing and ahhing over them which will just make me feel even shittier. I'm 7DPO and def. feel like this cycle was a bust. I do keep getting some strange pains in my lower abdomen and have been having them on & off since yesterday. I'm trying to forget about it because I'm sure its nothing. Honestly I just want AF to show up early so I can start the next cycle. If I would end up pg this cycle I would die. Seriously. Which brings me to a funny story...

I went to Walgreen's Friday after work to get some pg tests and here is my convo w/the checkout chick.

Me: Hi! How are you today?
Checker: Oh pretty good how about you?.... Oh I guess you'll find out later huh? Haha.
Me: Oh yeah... I guess.
Checker: Haha... surprise! That's how it happens.
Me: Yeah... have a good weekend.

Christ. I must look like I'm a 16 year old sex addict or something. Hello! I wanted to say to her... actually it would be a huge surprise seeing as I've had 3 IUI's, surgery, multiple clomid cycles and am still not pg. I know she didn't mean anything by it but... I left there just feeling like shit.

Okay... ramblings over. I have to go do some dishes and then I think I'll lay my ass on the couch some more. Shit now I've thought of something else to tell you. Last weekend we drove 1hr away to Terre Haute, IN to get a new TV. We got a Samsung HDLCD. Whatever that is. The picture is great though.. that's why I'm obsessed w/watching TV right now. Jake locked the keys in the jeep while we were there so we had to call a locksmith. What a moron. I made him give me a back rub when we got home since it cost us $50!

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

Back up!

Temps went back up this morning. Fertility Friend confirmed I'm 3DPO. Yippy!

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Never mind

Temps went back down this morning. =(.

Monday, October 6, 2008

I think I O'd!!!

Holy cow. I think I ovulated all by myself! On cycle day 17! This is like so unheard of for me! My temps jumped this morning so I'm really hoping they stay up. I'm sure this wont be my cycle but I'm just glad that I wont have to take provera. I hate that stuff. Every time I take it I end up having like 14-18 day periods. SUCKS ASS! Man it would be so awesome to actually have normal cycles now. I'm pretty sure that the endo was what was causing me not to ovulate. Since it was all over my left ovary and I usually ovulate on my left side. To be honest, I think having the lap and finding all that endo was a blessing in disguise. I'm actually looking forward to AF just to see if I get cramps! OOO a period w/out cramps. How cool! Okay... I'm a dork I know. The little things just amuse the hell out of me.

Thursday, October 2, 2008

IVF scheduled!

Hey ladies! I had my post OP appointment today w/my RE. Everything went good. My incisions are lookin` good. He showed me some pics of my lap and the endo... pretty gross stuff! We are still planning the injectables w/IUI this next cycle and IVF is scheduled for December! I'm so excited! Although I hope this cycle or my next IUI cycle works instead I'm still looking forward to it. He seemed to be pleased w/everything. He said he got all the endo and the inside of my uterus was perfect. He also said that Endo probably was a big reason why I couldn't get pregnant but probably not the only thing. That kind of stinks but we already knew we are dealing w/MFIF too. At least we got one thing fixed. Anywho just wanted to do a quick update. Have a good weekend ladies

Oh yeah... my cousins & aunt have emailed & called. In short... they claim the invite was sent to my mom. I said if thats true I'm sorry for blowing up about it but the part about yelling at my mom... probably unforgivable. They said they were so sorry about everything that has happend and just want us to be a big happy family again. Blah.

Sunday, September 28, 2008

So pissed!

I wrote a post a while back about my family being completely screwed up and the whole battle w/my grandpa and our family business after my dad died so just for some back ground if you don't know what I'm talking about you can go back and read it if you'd like. Also a few posts back a wrote about my crazy cousin Aymee and her bogus email to me about IVF. Well... here's the latest and I'm so fucking pissed right now!

I was talking to my mom on the phone a while ago and she asked if my aunt was in town (my dad's sister that lives in Cali). I told her I had no idea and I really didn't want to talk to any of them anyway. I hadn't told her about Aymee's emails yet because I knew she would be pissed! Well she wanted to know what happened so I told her and of course she was pissed. She asked what started it and I told her how I emailed Aymee to let her know why I couldn't come to her wedding. Then my mom says that she never got an invite. Well that just pissed me right the fuck off. My family is so friggin fake! They act like nothing is wrong and ask us to do stuff when they are here but yet they don't even invite my mom to the wedding? Its all over money. The damn $30,000 that we got from my DADS HALF OF THE BUSINESS. That he owned! It was such a small amount that its ridiculous. They are just so money hungry. Then my mom's boy friend (also known as DB for douchbag, hes kinda rubbing off on me though) called and told me that a few weeks before we finally settled the business drama that my aunts (Dad's sisters) were calling my mom every night yelling at her and making her cry! I had no idea. My mom didn't want to tell me that because she didn't want to upset me. Well... this is the last fucking straw. I just sent my aunt & my cousin Aymee (my aunts daughter) and email totally telling them off and told them I wanted nothing to do w/them and that is BS that my mom wasn't invited. She did NOTHING to them what so ever. I told them that my grandpa was a horrible person and is just as fake as they are. I bitched about the whole IVF issue and told them to stay away from me & my family and that my dad would be so upset and disappointed in them. Ugh...!! My family is so screwed up! I'm so tired of this stupid ass drama. It just makes me so mad. We were all so close but then you throw some $$$$ in there and its all over. Fuck em. I don't even care anymore.

Thursday, September 18, 2008

Lap- update

Hey Ladies! I made it out alive! Sorry I didnt post last night but I was a bit out of it. I'm feeling okay. My incisions are hurting a bit but the most pain is the shoulder pain from the gas. I'm good as long as I'm laying flat. I plan on showering this morning some time but I'm a little nervous about that too. Now for the real update.... My RE drained and removed my cysts w/a laser and I DID have endo after all. Not a big surprise to me. I have stage 3 endo that was pretty much all along the outside of my uterus and next to my bladder. My RE said he got it all so hopefully that should help improve my chances at getting KU. I told Jake that I'm really looking forward to this C now. I know I shouldnt get all excited but I am. I figure my endo is gone & I'll be on injectables + IUI, he is taking vitamines to get his count back up... I donno MAYBE we'll get lucky. Anyway I'm going to lay back down my sholders are killing me. I will check in some more today.

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

My response

There is so much more that I wanted to say but I've got to get to bed but I just couldnt let it rest. Lap is in the morning... holy shit I'm scared!

Aymee,
First off let me begin by saying I do not need to be "warned" about Invitro. As far as I'm concerned Invitro is my God send. If it weren't for IVF there would be so many couples that would never have been able to have children. There are many many couples that go the IVF route... probably people that you are close to and don't even know that's how they got pregnant. Infertility is a disease that so many people, such as yourself are so ignorant about. Not that its your fault but its the fault of people not opening up about it. Infertility is not something that people should be ashamed of nor is IVF. I don't know how you could say that by having IVF that I am "responsible for robbing souls from God by creating these babies." These babies ARE souls from God. For your information I do not plan on destroying my embryos. Jake & I have talked countless hours about this and we are going to donate them to other infertile couples so they can experience the joy's of birthing a child. To someone who has never gone through infertility this could never be understood. A person w/infertility is often compared to a person that has been diagnosed w/cancer. The feeling are the same. A person would do anything to stay alive just like a person w/infertility would do anything to have a child. Are you saying it isn't "God's Plan" for a person w/cancer to pursue radiation & chemo? You are going to say this is different but it is not. I want a baby just like a person w/cancer wants to live and I will do what ever it takes to make that happen. Yes, there is adoption and that is something I will do if it gets to that point. I know there are many children out there that need good homes but that is not going to stop me right now from trying to have a child that is both Jake & I. Another thing that I would like to point out is the fact that people do things like IVF to get pregnant that isn't maybe natural or the way God wants things to be but what about people like Laura that have to give themselves shots to keep their baby? Do you think she shouldn't give herself infertility related drugs to keep her unborn child? Wouldn't that be as bad as destroying your embryos after an IVF transfer? I think so. You say I should leave this up to God and I will have my baby. Aymee... you are living in a fantasy world. Prayer is helping me emotionally right now but God is not going to give me a baby. God is the one that has made this hard on me for a reason & I think its to make me a stronger person. I do not believe that God is against IVF in anyway, he loves all of his children... no matter how they got here. I believe that God provides us w/resources and means to achieve our goals in life. I believe that God created the scientist and doctors that created IVF and do the procedures for the simple fact of making babies. These children may be "lab created" but they are no less a person than you or I. I certainly hope that you do a bit more research on the subject of infertility and IVF and that you never have to experience what Jake & I are. I pray that children come easy to you, and if they don't I hope that you at least think about your options because trust me you cant possibly know that IVF is not the answer if you haven't been faced w/the fact that IVF may be the only way you become a mother.

You must be kidding me

This is an email I just got from my crazy cousin after I told her I couldnt make it to her wedding because we would be doing IVF. What the fuck do I say back to this? I swear I am so fucking pissed off! If she didnt live halfway across the US I'd punch the bitch right in the face!

Hi Jayme!
Thanks for letting me know. I am so very sorry you two are having trouble getting pregnant, but I must warn you against Invitro. No, I had no idea you were thinking of doing anything like that, and I must tell you "Don't!" And here is why. I babysat for several years for a family who decided to do invitro because the father got a vasectomy and the reversal left them trying for a few years to get pregnant taking hormone shots etc etc. They did invitro and she has 2 beautiful twin boys Gibson and Lucas, who I took care of from infant to about age 2. She knew I was a devout Catholic and one day she came to me with tears and her eyes saying that she had been up crying on her knees all night because she had said the act of contrition prayer I had given her, and weighing on her mind was the fact that there are now 6 other embryos in a laboratory that were formed from her egg and his sperm and she didn't know what to do with them. She didn't want to have them all and she wasn't sure she wanted to give them to someone else. I couldn't believe it, what a terrible matter of conscience for a person to have to bear, and all because she wanted another child. I told her she ought to talk to a priest, but the whole thing just makes me sick to my stomach.
I know it must be so hard to be patient. Many of your friends have children, and believe me, I can't even imagine how badly you must want them. I want them too, and I have certainly thought about "what if" i can't. However, I already know invitro is not the answer.
The answer, I believe, is heartfelt fervent, continual prayer to God and sacrifice. That's the answer, and I truly believe if you do this, God will give you a child. Don't put yourself in that position to be responsible for robbing souls from God by creating these babies only to sit in a laboratory and eventually die if no one wants them. What about adoption?
I may not change your mind, but pray about this before you do it, and please take into consideration the grave ramifications of such a decision. Besides, then you could stop wasting your time and money at these fertility clinics and let the Divine Physician (Our Lord) take care of you. I think as soon as you would do that you would get pregnant. As soon as you let go and let God.
God love you and bless you if you will only do His Will. I am going to pray and offer up what I can for you and Jake. Please consider what I have told you. Miss you! Love you!
Take care and hope to see you at the wedding!

Sunday, September 14, 2008

A little bit on Bree



We adopted Bree from the Humane Society on Feb 9, 2008. Jake & I had been talking about getting another dog but pretty much decided it wasn't the best idea. Well on Feb 9Th we went to the mall and just so happens that the Humane Society is doing a "Valentines Day Adopt a Dog-Athon." Once we saw Bree we had to have her. She was so sweet and was just chillin` in the middle of the mall taking a nap. Normally when you adopt a dog from the Humane Society you have to go through a waiting period and be approved before you can take the animal home. Luckily they knew who we were because of my family's dog food business donating food to them so they let us have her that day! We brought her home & her and Ellie of course had to sit and sniff each other for a bit. Ellie didn't like her much for quite some time. She wouldn't even play w/her toys because they smelled like Bree. Eventually they became good friends and play together great, but she still gets on Ellie's nerves from time to time. Bree weights about 35lb and we THINK she is a Border Collie & some kind of terrier. Of course we will never know for sure. Some one just dumped her off. We think she must have been abused because she is scared of everything, even sticking her head out the car window! Even now when we go to pet her she hunkers down like we're going to hit her. Poor thing. She is so sweet! Her favorite spot in the house is laying on top of a chair in front of our front window. She's good buddies w/the neighbor across the streets dog and that dog lays on the couch in front of their window too so Bree & her sit there all day and stare at each other. I think they are in love! We found out the hard way that Bree is Lactose intolerant. We used to go the a local ice cream shop and get little baby cones in a cup for Ellie so we did the same for Bree when they opened up for the summer. Well Bree ended up getting sick for about a week... no more ice cream for her! She is extremely hyper & loves to play w/toys and run laps around the house. At first when we got her I thought we'd made a mistake by getting another dog but everyday that goes by she is rubbing off onto me and I love her even more!

Saturday, September 13, 2008

Little Miss Ellie


This is my little Ellie girl! I wanted to do a post about my dogs so I thought I'd start w/my oldest. I will do a separate post on Bree tomorrow if I have time. First off let me say that my dogs mean everything to me. Some may think I'm a bit obsessive and over protective of them but they are my babies. Mostly Ellie is my baby and let me tell you why.
We adopted Ellie on January 1st 2005. She was a mere 2 months old and weighed maybe 1lb. She was the cutest little thing! We decided to crate her at night and when we weren't home until she was house broken. Well... here first night w/us made it impossible to keep her in her crate. She just cried and cried until we finally went in and got her and put her in bed w/us. She's slept w/us ever since. Her favorite spot is curled up in a little ball on my pillow. I get a little corner for my head, I don't mind though. About 3 weeks after we got her she got really sick. She wouldn't walk or eat anything. I called in sick that day to stay w/her hoping she would get better. She didn't and only got worse. I took her to the vet and they ran numerous tests on her to see what was wrong. She was there for about 5 days & weighed 1/2lb when we got her back. The vet did not think she was going to make it, no one did. Jake & I went to visit her every night and she would get so excited! Her little tail would wag until she just wore herself out because she had no energy. My vet sent off her blood work to the U Of I for further testing (that cost us a pretty penny). Turns out Ellie has a Porto Systemic Shunt (spelling). Basically her blood bypasses the liver & doesn't filter out the proteins. Ellie has to have medicine by mouth 3 times a day & prescription dog food. She isn't allowed treats, although we give her small pieces anyway. She is now almost completely blind. You can see in her picture that her left eye is smaller and doesn't have a glare in it. Her eye is almost totally white now. She is so happy though.. you would never know she has a liver disease. I do believe Ellie has a case of separation anxiety. She follows me everywhere! Not that I really mind. I love this dog to death she is my little fighter!

Thursday, September 11, 2008

Lap on Wednesday

Welp I had another U/S today and as expected my cysts are still there and haven't gotten any smaller. We scheduled the lap for Wednesday. He wants to get in there and remove the cysts or at least see what kind it is so we know how to treat it. He is 90% sure that its either a cyst caused by endo or some kind of cyst caused by ovulation and the egg bleeding. I didn't really understand that part of it & I easily could have miss heard. Anyway I will be having the lap plus possible hysteroscopy & possible HSG followed by a D&C. Have any of you heard of getting this done at the same time as your lap? I've already had an HSG & hysteroscopy. Thanks ladies!

Sunday, September 7, 2008

Punctuation...

Use it people! I mean seriously, I know I don't use the best punctuation as I always hated English class but at least I don't keep writing a paragraph w/out using one damn period. It makes things so hard to read when someone doesn't even brake up their sentences w/a period or exclamation point or something. I see it on the boards all the time. It makes me wonder... how did you get a job? Did you really graduate from the 8Th grade?

Friday, September 5, 2008

Prayers needed

Please, please, please pray for my friend Jenny who has recently lost her husband & is now facing a miscarriage. My heart goes out to her. I think this is probably the most heart wrenching story I have ever heard. A person should never have to go through what she is going through. It is so unfair to her. She is a good person & doesn't deserve this. Please go over to her blog & send her some kind words. I don't know how to set up a link but her site is the "Tale of two Coin's" found at the right of my blog. All we can do is pray for a miracle for her. So so sad.

Tuesday, September 2, 2008

Update- About to throw in the towel.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. I swear I'm about to loose my friggin mind! I had an RE appt today to have another U/S done to see if my cysts went away. To my RE's surprise the cysts we not only still there but they hadn't went down & there was another one. He said some cysts are follicular (sp) cysts and some can be caused by endo. I have another U/S scheduled for next Thursday in hopes that the cysts are gone & if not I'm having a lap done the following Wed. I'm halfway happy about that. I just want to know if I do have endo & get rid of it. Endo is something I've been wondering if I had for along time. Even before TTC. Until then I have to keep taking BCP and hope they go away. Ugh.. hopefully the longer I take BCP spot will finally disappear. I'm so frustrated. I swear... things were going so well and then BAM Jake's count drops drastically, I have cysts & now maybe endo. Give me a break. Give all of us a break. IF sucks.